Laser Time – HATE Songs!

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No more Mr. Nice Podcasters! This time, we’re doing away with guilty pleasures and running through songs that make our blood boil from pop punk to cheesy rap to butt rock. Join in and embrace the anger!

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102 thoughts on “Laser Time – HATE Songs!

  1. Great episode!

    If I had to suggest my own hate song, it would be most of ELO’s back catalog. I just cannot stand it, I can’t stand Jeff Lynne. Mr. Blue Sky and Telephone Line are about the only ELO songs I can stand, but the one I despise the most has to be Livin’ Thing. It’s just…that chorus, that fucking chorus, the bit where Jeff Lynne just does like, a Fred Durst hypeman shout-out, the way the backing vocals sound out of place, the way Jeff Lynne sings like he’s trying not to yawn, it just sucks.

    https://youtu.be/i2d45tOgBl0?list=PLn9DJh4Og977v7dTCt80Lj9aZjzohFvni

  2. YES FINALLY! Lump Brisket is due a real tearing down, especially on Laser Time given how much they’ve been referenced. Should I expect the late 90s – early 00s to make up the bulk of this episode?

  3. https://vimeo.com/99288663

    (Anchorage by Michelle Shocked)
    File this under early Mom Rock? It’s atonal as fuck, and like Brett’s job they play the same set list every day where I work. The singer practically talks throughout the whole song, and there’s almost no rhyme scheme at all. I can enjoy Sheryl Crow, Nora Jones, and even Shania Twain, but this one hit blunder, drags out and on forever.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaSZE194D4I
    (Pitbull’s Back in Time off his CD Global Warming)

    It only has one verse, samples the entirely out of place “Love Is Strange” but since it was the single for Men In Black 3 (the movie that finally knocked Avengers off of first place at the box office in 2012) Sony made sure it got pushed hard on the radio. There’s a party atmosphere and I can dance to it, but people overplay the fuck out of Pitbull I don’t need to hear Fireball more than twice at a party!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiE48aAx9qA
    (The Baha Men remix of “Lime in the Coconut”)
    A deeper cut to go along with Who Let The Dogs Out. I have to admit I replayed quite a few times when I was 11, but now I can barely stand it. This song is also is an example of the party atmosphere I love, but have also come to hate about Pitbull.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M11SvDtPBhA

    Party In the USA Miley Cyrus

    With one of the simplest lyrics ever (there can’t be more than over 30 different words) it’s a song that’s super generic about how hard it is to make it in L.A. (Reminder that she’s Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter by the way,) she never seems to change pitch or tone throughout the whole song. She then literally compares herself to Jay-Z and Brittney Spears.

    I’m glad you guys took it to “Wanna Be A Rockstar” because that song is horrible! Played almost every day for a while when I took a bus to school. In fact bring the hate over to the whole “country singer brags about what they like to do” genre.

  4. I really enjoyed this episode! Have to say one of my top “hate songs” is “Go All the Way” by Raspberries mainly because the first 30 seconds of the song kick so much ass, and then it just falls ass backwards into middling 70s adult contemporary pop music. Always a disappointment.

  5. I think the Cowboy Junkies’ famous cover of the Velvet Underground’s “Sweet Jane” was the start of the slow sad lady cover genre. https://youtu.be/x4XVJj4jER4

    P. S. Was holding the microphone up to your computer speakers REALLY the best way to sample the songs in this episode?

  6. What a great way to bring back the love of Shame Song episodes! I would love to hear more of these with Grimm, Mr Wiki Paraz, Wow Bob Mackey, or Hank. As for one of my hate songs, I find that the older I get, the more I just hate whatever is new and popular. For every commercial and film trailer that uses this song, I refuse to buy their product or watch their movie.

    Fitz and The Tantrums – The Walker
    https://youtu.be/nGBLlFMn9Xc

    I hate the whistling and that chorus so damn much. Maybe if it weren’t overplayed I would enjoy it a little more… though I doubt it.

    1. Fitz and The Tantrum’s is doubly bad for me, mostly because I loved their First CD so much! The soul and swing sound was great! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrGq1Zmfnvc

      But since then they switched gears and went out and tried to make a sound that was more mainstream, which I guess worked for them, but it’s so different from what I liked about them in first place.

  7. I understand how Brett feels. I also worked at Toys R Us for a brief period and had to put up with a lot of the same garbage music he had to on repeat at the time – it says something when one of your few saving graces would be when the U.S. ‘Sailor Moon’ theme would come on the overhead. But my pick for hate song doesn’t come from there, but at my next job working overnight at my local Rite-Aid. The station played your usual assortment of non-offensive adult alternative and most of the songs would just wash away into the background with one big exception: Big Yellow Taxi, an obnoxious folk song from Joni Mitchell in the 70s, but that wasn’t the version they played. Instead they had about *three* different covers of the song, the Counting Crows/Vanessa Carlton being the biggest offender. I don’t know exactly how the rotation worked on the radio, but the sheer amount of covers of this song meant it was guaranteed to come on multiple times each night, often playing different versions in a row. Had it just been the one version of the song that played as occasionally as the other tracks it would have been innocuous background noise but as it stands I can’t hear this song anymore without raging.

    Counting Crows: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvtJPs8IDgU

    Amy Grant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiJWwWP1g7w

    Original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94bdMSCdw20

  8. Got a pretty high tolerance for music since I don’t listen to a lot of it, but motherFUCK Bachman Turner Overdrive’s “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Y et”:

    https://youtu.be/4cia_v4vxfE

    The choppy vocals and stuttering combined with Randy Bachman’s whiny tone of voice is bad enough; the fact that I have to hear it in the background of every local used-car dealership shyster’s TV commercials as they holler about zero percent financing and no money down is really the absolute limit.

    And since they stole the riff from the infinitely more kickass “Baba O’Riley”, I can never listen to THAT song without hearing “Babababaybee you just ain’t seen nananananothin yet” just as it starts to shred :(.

  9. I’ll go to bat for Blondie’s cover of Tide is High. It’s a 1st wave ska song. The only real problem with it is that they slowed it down so much. The original is a lot more peppy. Not that I don’t love Debbie Harry’s sultry phrasing, but it doesn’t work as well on a song that should be less than 2 minutes long.

  10. My second cousin lives in Detroit, works for Ford, married a local woman. She is all about ‘Merican Pride and Bringing Back The City of Detroit (good luck) and she fucking LOOOOOOVVVVESSSSS Kid Rock. I guess he gives to a lot of local communities and being the biggest thing to come out of the area since the 1950s he is the talk of the town. I will never forget one Thanksgiving when they were visiting at my Grandmother’s house and Kid Rock was preforming at a Lions halftime show, this woman was so moved by his performance that she was literally driven to tears. It was something else.

  11. Loved the episode! For some reason, whenever I hear “We Built This City,” it always turns into the Fantastic Four cartoon theme song in my head, which is infinitely preferable.

    I’ll dish up two. This song is, objectively, a good song, by a talented artist. But it was utterly ruined by retail repetition. When I worked as a bank teller, we had the radio on in the background, and this song played CONSTANTLY. It’s great on first listen, but the “No, no no” refrain becomes incredibly grating when repeated.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUmZp8pR1uc

    The only song I actively hate is “Love Me” by Lil Wayne, mostly because it’s probably ugliest song to ever become a top ten hit. I’m a rap fan. I understand that you’re going to come across some objectionable content when it comes to women. But this song sours the idea of sex, wealth, and humanity. Choice bon mots include “These ho’s got pussies like craters. Can’t treat these ho’s like ladies,” “All she eat is dick, she is on a strict diet,” and, possibly my favorite because it makes absolutely no sense: “She wake up, eat this dick. 69, 96.” I’ve never performed a 96 myself (which, presumably, would be resting your butt on the back of your parter’s head), so maybe I’m the problem here. And the song doesn’t even make sex sound like fun! It sounds hollow and empty. All that plus a lovely video featuring women in actual torture devices and you’ve got the perfect song to scrub your skin off to.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KY44zvhWhp4

  12. Limp Biskit – Nookie, Rearrange, pretty much anything that’s not his cover of Faith, and even that joke wore thin quickly.
    Elton John – Pretty much anything he did after the 70s. He went from being fun to being corny. Don’t go breaking my heart was my retail job soundtrack. Always sad when a once great musician fades away in pop pablum.
    Rush – Everyone is always riding Rush’s dick because they’re such great musicians and yeah, they are technically impressive, but they’re basically the most talented bunch of grade 9s to ever play rock music. They write the WORST songs of any band to ever make the R&R Hall of Fame. Geddy Lee’s voice is awful, but it’s the high school philosopher lyrics that make me crazy. YYZ is by far their best song for the obvious reason: no vocals.
    Right Said Fred – I’m Too Sexy is such a boring song, repetitive, uninspired, and unfunny song. And I love novelty music. This just puts me to sleep.
    Savage Garden – Could any one in the 90s write a good love song? Yes: Boys to Men. Truly Madly Deeply is the awful, white people knockoff. The Brittany Spears to Brandy. Actually, a whole lot of the boy band phenomenon is just repackaging Boys to Men for white, middle-American audiences, even though B2M did just fine with them.

  13. It’s super recent, but I really really despise THE WRITING’S ON THE WALL by Sam Smith, aka the theme from SPECTRE. As a huge Bond fan, I know all of the themes in and out, and after Craig had 2 stellar themes and one okay one, this was a travesty. I’m generally not a fan of Sam Smith, and as soon as they announced it, I was worried. A friend of mine tried to convince me it would be okay, he’s just a good musician, he just needs to write something fitting. But then, the track comes out, and it’s garbage. It ruins an awesome title sequence in the film, and I had to hear it constantly in promotional material, plus it got a lot of hype in general from being Oscar-nominated.
    As a joke, my friend would often go “you need to listen to this, just wait it’s great” out of the blue on skype or in person, but then just play the song to draw my ire.
    The writing’s on the wall? More like the writing’s balls.
    And Sam Smith said he wrote it in 15 minutes. FIFTEEN MINUTES. It doesn’t sound good and it doesn’t really have anything to do with the movie.

    Here’s the Youtube link just for convenience sake. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9LxUQL_Ucg

    1. Jesus, I hate everything Sam Smith has done. He’s like a golem constructed entirely of sensitive man-tears and kept alive by the sad feelings of teenage girls. Listening to a Sam Smith song is like having a tear-soaked Kleenex jammed into my ears.

    2. It actually won the Oscar, which… is pretty inexplicable considering absolutely every single other song nominated was better. Boo Sam Smith.

      1. It’s especially disappointing to me since Skyfall was the FIRST Bond theme to win an Oscar, and then Sam Smith gets the second SOMEHOW when it’s near the bottom of all of them. Ridiculousness.

    3. ANOTHER ONE SINCE I CAN’T EDIT:
      I fuuuuuuuuuuucking hate pretty much all of Aerosmith’s catalog, but ESPECIALLY “I don’t want to miss a thing.” It’s such nonsense garbage, completely meaningless and falsely emotional. Plus, the fact that it plays over that dumbass scene in Armageddon only makes it worse for me.

      “I don’t wanna fall asleep, ‘Cause I’d miss you, baby, And I don’t wanna miss a thing” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

  14. Great episode! I actually like most of these songs though, and before you tell me I have terrible taste… Yeah, I probably do, but it’s probably because I come from a country that had such god-awful and terrible music genres dominating my childhood, that anything that comes from the states honestly sounds like a beautiful orchestra in comparison.

    Please, listen to any Banda or Reggeaton song and tell me anything in this episode is worse than that.

    Still, I had fun with this episode, because just listening you guys rant is fun, and I don’t have to feel personally insulted every time you guys dislike something I do. (Unlike certain other people in these parts…)

  15. Awesome episode! I’ve got some lingering affection for a couple of these, but true and hilarious picks all around. I’m with Diana, I just cannot listen to Geddy Lee’s voice. No matter how amazing they may be as musicians, Rush is just lost on me.

    Anyway, no big stories here that I can really recall, but a couple of my hate songs:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiiyq2xrSI0
    I never liked Unchained Melody much to begin with–something about the delivery bugs me–but maaaaan, when Ghost came out in 1990, it became a true hell song for me, just utterly inescapable on the radio.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjNn4bbbgSw
    Cumbersome is the worst rock song of the 90s–just the most generic, boring take on grunge sound imaginable with a generic, boring music video to match!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QN6p66AtDc
    groooooooosssssssss

  16. I have a note somewhere in the back of my mind that the song I hate the most was by Crash Test Dummies.
    I couldn’t even remember the name of it, and had to rely on Google telling me what single they released when I was in High School

    I now know what it feels like to be triggered. The rage came flooding back to me so hard that I flung my headphones off my head after the first line, and I’ve potentially ruined the rest of my day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoVO_PFWxqI

  17. Okay Okay, A song that I really hate? well I hate a good few songs, “Hey There Delilah” whatever the fuck its’ called, “Closing Time” by Semisonic makes me want to rip my ears off. But there’s one song that I hate with an absolute passion and that’s Mumford and Son’s “I Will Wait.” Actually, it’s every Mumford and Son song because they all sound the fucking same! Bands that sing about Break Up’s and being whiny just make me cringe and shout “MAN THE FUCK UP! ” They don’t sound like they are playing banjo’s they sound like they are trying to play banjo’s.
    https://youtu.be/mw0jCyH5cZA

    Also fuck anything with a Ukulele

  18. Never heard the original “The Anthem” before. It may be the only song ever to be improved by the Elite Beat Agents cover band.

  19. I’m behind all of these except Tom Sawyer and We Built The City.

    I don’t give a shit about Jefferson Airplane. So the fact that the song supposedly represents them not being that anymore has no effect on me and has nothing to do with the quality of the song itself as far as I’m concerned.

  20. Being from the suburbs of New England has its perks. But also many weaknesses. One of those is having a stepmother who listens to nothing but soft rock. I grew up in Bristol, CT, and whenever my brother and I were driven to school, the shittiest station on radio, Lite 100.5, was always on. They played the most inoffensive, schmaltzy shit you can imagine. This song in particular was really bad, because the chorus is catchy and gets stuck in your head all fucking week. And it was played constantly.

    Martin Page- In The House of Stone And Light
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpbgUVPP3DU

  21. Great stuff, friends. Thanks for the Tal Bachman shout-out! I’ve never felt so ashamed to be responsible for a thing happening.

    Some of mine:

    -John Mayer, “Your Body Is a Wonderland” for all the same reasons you ragged on Goo Goo Dolls. Sounds like a high school freshman listing all the things he thinks a girl wants to hear. Pandering horseshit.
    -Avril Lavigne, “Sk8ter Boi” – Please, tell us more about how being a fake poser is bad, you paragon of authenticity. Make sure you do it in the most grating, overaffected drawl you can muster.
    -Smashing Pumpkins, “Landslide” – It’s healthy to zoom out once in awhile and really LISTEN to Corgan’s voice, and just marvel at how he, of all people, became, of all things, a singer. And then wonder why he ever saw fit to apply his cheese-grater-in-the-garbage-disposal-like brand of singing to a lilting ballad.
    -Who cares, “Mambo No. 5” – Stop listing babes.
    -Candlebox, “Far Behind” – It’s not so much the song as what it represents about radio. There’s no reason I should be able to turn the radio to a rock station in 2016 and EXPECT to hear this damn song. It was fodder when it came out over twenty years ago. And yet!

    Oof, I need a drink.

    1. OH GOD HOW I HATE SK8ER BOI. My sister was 16/17 at the time that came out so I heard it a lot and unfortunately I can still recall almost all the lyrics. Whyyyyyyyyy

  22. I always hated this song, I think the perfect combo for a hate song is one that is overplayed on Radio/MTV and/or you associate with working a crappy job when you are younger. This song always takes me back to working a crappy dish washing job when I was 16. It was hot, dirty and generally sucked and this song was inescapable. It will always be Blind Mellon, No Rain.,,,

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qVPNONdF58

  23. “Pompeii” by Bastille makes me want to put my head through a window. The song had like a double tail of pain. First, I had to hear it all the time on the fake ass XM alternative channel when it came out. But then I was the singular video editor on a lip-sync of that song in a Broadcasting class. I heard that horrible song like a billion times and it was etched into my brain so hard I convinced myself it wasn’t that bad.

    It was that bad.

  24. I openly to admit to having a strong anti Rob Thomas/Matchbook Twenty bias because of an ex-friend’s girlfriend, but if you presented me the master tape for Santana’s “Smooth”, I’d light it on fire and urinate on the ashes. I’m no music snob, (glances at collection of pop music) I can roll with dated and cheesy stuff. But I can not stand bland stuff. It drives me insane.

  25. Is it possible to add a commercial jingle to this mix of hate songs? If so, I nominate the following:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z24PqW2grAM
    1-877-Kars for kidz – I would rather fire-bomb my old car before donating it to them!

    I apologize in advance if I offend anyone, but after hearing “Hotel California” and “Take it to the limit” repeatedly, I agree with The Dude…FUCK THE EAGLES, MAN!!!

  26. The Delilah show was definitely played in Canada too and it was terrible. On top of it, the host’s voice was so quiet and low that it and the music were basically on big giant go to sleep pill.

  27. First time commenting, so bear with me.

    I absolutely LOATHE I’m Yours by Jason Mraz. I know it’s pretty recent, but I’m 18 and this song takes me right back to middle school. I hear this song all the time in stores and I can’t help but cringe as I’m taken back to some 7th grade sleepover, watching my friends all pair off to talk about their pimpley boyfriends while this shit blasts from the speakers and my gay ass sits in the corner sulking. It just reeks of the 2009-2011 Glee craze and on top of that it feels like the product of a Prius commercial gaining sentience and learning to write songs. It’s not even a white guy with acoustic guitar song, it’s a white guy with a cheap ukelele he doesn’t know how to play song. It’s one of those songs that’s so catchy and so easy to sing and/or play that you are not only exposed to the song itself but also everyone you know’s personal rendition. God.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20v6XxS9NBs

  28. Hotel California! I grew up listening to 60’s music because that is what my parents listened to. When I met my husband his parents listened to 70’s music and that’s when was introduced to Hotel California. It drives me crazy! I hate it!

    1. I came here to second this. Hopefully the boys recognize our combined hate! If I had a superpower, its the ability to recognize HC almost one chord in and change the channel at lightspeed. Maybe its the meandering lyrics or junior high poetry but Hotel California makes my blood boil!

  29. I just got to the Eddie Money portion of the episode and I wanted to make a quick note. My old landlord/roommate’s older sister banged him once back in the 80s. Thanks for another great episode guys!

  30. Diana is the best thing to happen to Lasertime.

    She’s is right on, Getty Lee’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard. It ruins all their songs. I don’t know how anyone can listen to that voice and take it seriously. He sounds like a cartoon character, and not in a good way.

  31. https://youtu.be/RiSfTyrvJlg
    This songs pisses me right the fuck off, let me tell you why. Que the flashback!
    About 8 years ago, I worked in a lettuce factory. Yes, I said lettuce factory, long story, let’s not dwell people… ANYWAY, this stupid song starts playing, and a friend of mine runs off the line, bawling her eyes out. Naturally, being a concerned friend, I ask her what’s up. She then tells me that this song always makes her because, and I quote ‘This was mine and *name removed for reasons* song. We broke up after he cheated on me.’ So they pick a song about infidelity, AND ARE SURPRISED WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP ENDS BECAUSE OF INFIDELITY!! That’s like being shocked when your marriage fails and the theme was Love Stinks…

  32. Diana is, bar none, the best personality on the Lasertime network.

    Which I feel I must use as a preface for saying that her picks in this episode are all impossibly wrong. So, so wrong. Either that, or we are simply the least simpatico people on the planet with regard to what constitutes a catchy earworm. I bobbed my head or tapped my foot to every song she listed.

  33. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB-5XG-DbAA

    Being gay, we are supposed to be behind every gay artist out there, and support their work… but I just can’t with this dude… His voice sounds like what I image baby boomers mean by “whining millenials”. Whenever one of his songs comes up I can’t change the station/skip track fast enough before I turn into a ball of rage and start yelling for someone to put a d**k in his mouth or something.

  34. Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow by Fleetwood Mac. Rumors is one of the best albums ever, and this an absolutely atomic dud.

  35. For me it’s gotta be “Moves Like Jagger” because it was the favorite song of my idiotic and sociopathic supervisor. She also 100% legit thought that song was about Jägermeister. She also didn’t trust microwave ovens because of the radiation…

  36. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcnIhzaDTd0

    CONTEXT:
    The radio station I listen to at work is an internet based station, but they act like they’re a terrestrial station, which means you’ll hear the same songs every hour.

    They “broke” Courtney Barnett about six months before she gained any real popularity. After hearing her “singing” I thought “nah, this won’t catch on”. But it did. Rolling Stone articles praised her “unconventional, stream of conscious lyrics”, she was on SNL, and I even heard one DJ on the radio at work claim that she will be “this generation’s Kurt Cobain”, a statement that made me roll my eyes so hard I thought they were going to pop out of my skull .

    Thankfully the station has now taken to playing Bastille every twenty goddamn minutes, but every time this song or another one by her comes on, it’s a struggle. I’ve even had customers ask why we’re playing “drunk karoake on the radio”. I totally admit that this isn’t my thing at all, but I’m legitimately baffled by all the hype she’s gotten.

    It’s the children who are wrong.

  37. GEDDY LEE IS CANADA’S NATIONAL TREASURE!

    (But “We Built This City” truly does suck big donkey balls)

    I hate Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard

    Because it was another one of those songs that was in constant rotation and you couldn’t escape, so it became an almost Pavlovian response to change the channel as soon as I heard it. Plus it’s cheesy, slow and boring.

  38. You guys mentioned how much you hate slow, dramatic covers of upbeat songs, and Diana mentioned how she hates “Baby Hold On To Me” by Eddie Money. It made me laugh because I was asked to sing “Baby Hold On To Me” for my mother-in-law’s wedding, and I did it as a slow, dramatic piano ballad. DOUBLE SHAME SONG

  39. I have a hatred that burns with the fire of a thousand suns for “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Frankie Valli. Mother of god, fuck that song. First of all, I can’t stand that entire genre of harmony-drenched doo-wop rock and roll, or whatever you call it, and this song is the absolute apex of nails on a chalkboard vocals. Who on god’s green earth ever thought a man screeching “CRY-YI-YI!” was anything other than pure torture? Seriously, they should subject this shit to terrorists to get information out of them.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8yvnqHmFds

  40. To contribute another relatively recent track, that fucking “song” “Rude” by a band presumptuously calling themselves Magic. It has the balls to try and pretend like it’s reggae, but it’s actually just some overprivileged fuckboi crying because his girlfriend’s dad (perceptively) thinks he’s a useless boil on society’s buttcheek. It’s like the logical end-point of white people thinking they can reggae (yes I know the singer guy isn’t technically white but his soul is so white it makes Kid Rock look like Eazy E).

    1. As someone who only recently got over associating “indie” with “douchebags,” songs like that don’t fucking help matters. It’s such manufactured, pandering, calculated horseshit, like the kind of shit they wrote on commission from Mazda for a commercial and then just decided to release as a single too.

      I’m so glad the bullshit faux-anthemic fake shout-along chorus garbage seems to finally be falling out of favor too.

  41. Oh shit I totally forgot, also fuck “Blurred Lines,” that fucking date rapist’s guide to life of a song. Also anything by James Blunt, who sounds like Rod Stewart with a head cold and a hollow, empty ballsack.

  42. I really grew to hate “somebody told me” by The Killers, as it was overplayed on MTV2.

    Good Charlotte are also crap as well as Papa Roach and Sum41

  43. Beverly Hills is easily the worst Weezer song I have ever heard (and I’ve listened to Ratitude, yuck) Musically, this song sucks for a shit-ton of reasons, but what I really hate most about it is that this was the song that made me stop and think “Wait a minute, has Weezer always been a band full of douche-bags?”
    I will always love their first couple of albums, despite what a bunch of knobs they are.

  44. “We Built this City” was written by Bernie Taupin, and you can absolutely imagine it being sung by Elton John in a Donald Duck costume.

    Lyrically, it’s trash but man, those handclaps before the chorus are sublime.

  45. https://youtu.be/qzgrYeSI7vs

    Let’s get some festive hate! I love Christmas and I even like Christmas music, but this Barbara Streisand version of Jingle Bells will make you wish you could be struck deaf for two minutes. It’s just all over the place as far as tempo goes and just feels awful. It also plays every few hours when I’m at work now and I just can’t stand to listen to it. Retail is rough. I feel Brett’s pain.

    1. I am not sure if I hate Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas”, but I do think it is hilarious that it’s Youtube activity has become the harbinger of the omnipresent holiday season.

    2. Oh I have one for you: “Christmas Shoes”
      https://youtu.be/aYiM3_EzAi8
      My wife teases me every Christmas when this comes on. Oh how I hate this song.

      It’s the story of a child in a store trying to buy shoes for his dying mother. Because you know nothing pisses off Jesus more than the discourtesy of dying in cheap shoes. The narrator, undergoing his own angst with the burden of shopping, meets the child.

      He reacts how we all would.

      Reunites the minor child with an adult relative? NO!
      Assures the child that materialism doesn’t matter in the afterlife? NO!!
      Tell him that all his mother really needs, is to know that her son is safe, and drive him home? NO!!!

      Of course, you reinforce his opinion in materialism, and send him out the door. How will he get back home? He obviously can’t drive. He only has pennies, and you can’t use those on a bus. Will he just walk home in the cold?

      WHO CARES!!!

      All that matters, is the narrator feels better about himself. THAT’S the real meaning of Christmas.

  46. About ten years ago, a guy I made music with started an Italo Disco-themed club night. I’d never heard of the genre before, so I decided to get acquainted with it before checking out his night. That’s how I became acquainted with Baltimora, who’s probably one of my most hated musicians.

    You know what else I hate? Fucking Woody Woodpecker. So here’s Baltimora’s “Woody Boogie”, a toothless white people 80s dance hit about getting an erection that samples Woody Woodpecker. They make the single in the video. I hate everything about this.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xizNvFQt5eQ

  47. Sublime… and I mean all of their songs, especially Santeria and Date Rape. All of their songs to this day are over played as hell on the radio… I am 100% certain you can turn on your car, flip through the channels and find one of their songs playing, it is a ever present sound and I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY!!!!! Please someone explain to me why the radio consistently plays 20 year old songs of poor musical quality and an annoying aesthetic that is completely un-relate-able to anyone who is not currently high.
    Second, fuck ska “music”, fuck it to hell and make the angry nephew of Jimmy Buffet go away forever
    Also, I disagree, I do not see how Green Day is different from Good Charlotte

  48. I believe the year was 2014 when “Light em Up” by fallout boy was the official song of the NHL playoffs. As a Blackhawk fan, I watched a lot of playoff hockey. That song is fuck trash and I hate it. It was stuck in my head for about 2 weeks after the playoffs and it gave me erectile disfunction. 1/10 would not recommend. For the record despite being in the age group that should like FoB I don’t really like them anyway, but that song hella irks me.

  49. Beginning in the late 1940’s a small group of like-minded creative young people from meager origins in America’s South layed blues riffs on gospel chord progressions and invented rock and roll. While this new form of expression caught on during the 1950’s, there was something about its progenitors, (Ray Charles, Chuck Berry, Sister Rosetta Tharpe, etc.) that rubbed middle America wrong. The most egregious example of capitalizing on such prejudice for profit would be Specialty Records’ sanitized form of Tutti Frutti, recorded by Pat Boone. Released one year after Little Richard’s version, Boone’s Tutti reached # 12 in the US Top 40 charts, while Richard’s topped out at # 17.

    Now, I don’t mean to draw 1:1 comparisons from rock and roll to Southern rap. Early rock and roll was mostly about how awesome it is to make funny noises with your mouth and dance with white women, (both fun), while Southern rap has a less-than-universal appeal, brandishing misogyny, gay bashing, and pledges to the all ‘ity ‘ollar. However, there can be no doubt that in the 90’s, a small group of like-minded creative young people from meager origins in America’s South lowered the pitch on bass, focused on cutting up soul samples rather than letting disco beats play, and popularized a characteristic Southern patois over verses. When the recipe is mixed right, the results are classic, (Scarface – No Tears, Big K.R.I.T. – Sookie Now, Killer Mike – Southern Fried), and the style, itself allows for a totally new type of artistic expression.

    If you were to cynically cop and sanitize this sound, the most spiteful way to do so would be to boast how awesome it is to be born into generational wealth, then subsequently live a consequence-free lifestyle, especially in the face of Southern Rap’s origins a means for even the poor to vent frustration into a mic. Enter Florida Georgia Line. Enter This Is How We Roll.

    Released in 2013, the Bro-Country anthem’s only lyrical concerns address Dude! shout-outs, and lists of awesome stuff to either own or covet. The song had an intimating presence in US pop and country charts throughout 2013 and 2014. It appealed to the welder rocking $34,000 a year, as well as the bro working accounting at his dad’s firm who just bought tickets to fly across country to catch the Alabama game in person. It appealed to haters of art, to Nickleback concert go-ers, to folks who will tell you Suicide Squad was awesome, and that Miyazaki movies are weird. And now, as we hand controls of our republic to a man who will no doubt pilot what was once the world’s greatest democracy into the molten heart of the sun, I can think of no better soundtrack than this song – a consummate and willing rejection of all forms of empathy and culture. “Show me what you got,” asked the universe. We have answered.

  50. I absolutely HATE, with unbridled passion, The Pretender’s Brass in Pocket. It fucking blows. It is maybe one of the absolute worst songs ever written.
    https://youtu.be/O8m1Z43uato

    Also every song by The Eagles (especially Hotel California) is a total garbage fire of a song. They were Nickelback before Nickelback.

  51. Love every show on your network, loved this one alot! Recently discovered you guys through Retronauts and can say you have an listener for life!

    Everything by Sublime. I don’t say this to troll, I used to love them as a teenager. But one day something just ‘clicked’ and from that point on I can not handle it when I hear them, have to instantly change the station.

    1. Just thought of another song, that song Rude by MAGIC! makes me want to kill the nearest living thing it response to the rage it produces in me. No specific reason, just think it suck balls (in the bad way)

  52. The one song that I really hate is Train’s “50 Ways To Say Goodbye” . It’s one of those “I heard it all the time at work” songs, but even worse. So this song was playing at the Walmart I worked at ALOT on a song track that only contained 6-7 songs, which is bad enough. However, this song always came up when something bad happened to me at the store whether it be a giant spill, rude customer showing up, management being asses, or something else that was bad. I think I remember puking my guts out one morning with this song playing.

    On top of that, I really don’t like Train so this was a terrible combination.

    https://youtu.be/pf4aSxDvlPw

  53. Eric Clapton “Wonderful Tonight”. Its a slow droning song and it was somehow our prom song. I hated prom too so that didn’t help

  54. Loved this episode just as much as the Shame Songs episodes.
    As a quickie, I don’t like Journey. They’ve been overplayed on four different radio stations in my area for the passes SEVEN MONTHS.

    A song I truly hate, mostly because of what is does to me, is Photograph by Nickleback. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BB0DU4DoPP4
    The first time I heard it was in high school four years as a sophomore. A goth chick started blaring it and, without ever having heard it previously (as far as I know) I was moved to tears after the first minute. Even now it sneaks into my Spotify playlist somehow. I always hope it does sneak up on me while in public or I will just break down. From when I was fourteen to hearing it now as a nineteen year old, I just think about the lyrics, about this shitty kid who did all of things most people I knew in high school did, and I didn’t. I know it’s a crock of shit to be like “boo hoo, woah is me, I’m a socially awkward guy who didn’t have the same high school expirence all the people who went to parties had”,
    But I unfortunately feel that way. All I can do is try my best not to hear that song.
    Fuck Nickleback and fuck Photograph.

  55. 10 years ago, I was working at Papa Murphy’s Take-N-Bake Pizza with my friend, Matt, and we were cleaning up after closing. The rock station has a block that starts at 9pm called Mandatory Metallica where they play three Metallica songs in a row. They usually try to mix it up and play some of the lesser-known songs. The DJ played Loverman from Garage, Inc. which is originally by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds. The whole song is pretty repetitive and slow, but the worst part is when James Hetfield gets to the stupid anagram part (with quality songwriting like: L is for Love, baby)… and then repeats the whole thing again later in the song. Six minutes in, there’s a part where it fades out and I was just relieved it was over, BUT THEN IT RUNS FOR TWO MORE MINUTES! We called the station and the DJ put us on air so we could request that he never play the song again.
    https://youtu.be/O6NTDCT-Px8

  56. Summer of ’69 by Bryan Adams. When I was young and stupid, we used to go to the local underaged drinking establishment every Friday. It had precisely 3 things – A jukebox, a pool table and a bar owner who didn’t ID. The floor was sticky and the decor was unchanged from the mid-70s. It made other dives look like the Ritz in comparison. My group of local high school friends at the time included a girl who was obsessed with the fact that we would ‘always be friends’, as a group. She used to put it on every week, and proclaim this was ‘our’ song. Every week. The song is a baby-boomer nostalgic wankfest that makes me mad to think that I pretty much know the lyrics word for word. I loathe it with every fibre of my being. I went anyway to university and no longer hang out with any of these people, but whenever I hear that song, it just makes me so angry.

  57. I passionately hate these two songs for the same reason:
    Cupid – “Cupid Shuffle ”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAhXfcm_v40
    &
    DJ Casper – “Cha Cha Slide”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIdLRftdrH8

    Every school dance, house party, wedding, and miscellaneous social event has been ruined by these garbage songs. They are repetitive, shallow, and obviously manufactured dance tracks that seem to exist only to annoy me and assault my tastes. I hate them, and hate every single person who still lines up to dance for this drivel.

  58. Lady marmalade. Specifically because of the…hook? chorus? “voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soire”. I have two younger girl cousins who were 8 and 9 at the time the song was very popular, so they sang along all the time. It wouldn’t have been so much of a problem, but their primary language was french so I’d get mad at them for singing “do you want to sleep with me” over and over again. Can’t listen to the song anymore.

  59. I work in retail. We have piped in music. Every single day. Say by John Mayer. I hate this song. It is terrible. Repetitive doesn’t even do it justice. I get angry every single time I hear it. Fuck this song.
    https://youtu.be/WQtGqmi2O2U
    Say what ya need to say.
    Say what ya need to say.
    Say what ya need to say.
    Say what ya need to say.
    Say what ya I need to die.

  60. I work in a toilet factory (insert any number of jokes here) and its located in a fairly rural area, which means the majority of the music that gets piped in over the pa is country music. Now while I’m not against country music as a whole two songs in particular really disgust me for the messages they seem to push. Both of these songs were in heavy rotation for months ,and I wanted to drive a nail into my skull.

    First of all is Raelynn “god made girls” I’ve inserted the version with the lyrics because it is one of the most sexist , “good ole days” pandering horseshit I’ve ever heard.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80uEOHRYHl4

    Next is Toby Keith “Every Dog Has Its Day ” Not only is the song incredibly repetitive but It really has some weird racial undercurrents. I can just imagine a racist cop pushing a black man into the back of his car snidely saying the lines of the chorus.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks8j99ckhzA

  61. I really despise “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy. – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g5Hz17C4is

    Back when I was studying for final exams in 2002, with the radio on to try and stay awake, this was on heavy rotation on every single station.

    As well as the two characters in this song just being total pieces of shit, the central premise here is brain-meltingly stupid:

    “My girlfriend walked in on me cheating on her. She COULDN’T TAKE HER EYES OFF ME.”

    “Just say it wasn’t you.”

    Then again, I’m pretty sure this song formed the basis of Trump’s technique in the presidential debates, so what do I know?

  62. Love the podcast! Royals by Lorde is my most hated song! I had a Chief on deployment who would play it 2-3 times a week for 9 1/2 months! The song itself is so boring and slow and I hate it SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! Also, Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke is a terrible song. It doesn’t sound like it lines up at all and actually sounds like a drunk 10 year old wrote the lyrics and recorded it. HATE SONGS!

  63. 2 of my hate songs:
    1. Jane’s Addiction – Been Caught Stealing (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrwjiO1MCVs). I’ve never been a fan of the band, but my absolute hatred for this song is mostly because of the specific context where it was forced on me over and over and over again. In the mid to late 90s, I had Redskins season tickets and went with my grandfather. For what seemed like multiple seasons, they would play the intro to this song after just about any big defensive play or first down to get the crowd hyped. If the repetition wasn’t bad enough, this was during a really bad era for the Redskins, so I’ve always associated the song with this terrible fake-excitement type of vibe, like when a team’s executives use it to incept 90,000 fans to stay and buy $10 beers. Also, since it was played over loud speakers, you couldn’t hear any of the bouncy bass line that could have made me like or at least tolerate the song. All we heard was that goddamn incessant dog barking over vague guitar notes.

    2. Beastie Boys – Girls (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lg_PNKah1ow). I love the Beastie Boys. Growing up, my AIM screen name had “Beastie” in front of my initials and other stuff. But this song never fails to make me grit my teeth, frantically change the station, and wish I was listening to any ANY of their better songs. Why is it so popular, and why has it lasted this long? Can it pull a 2016 and die in 2017? I hope so. To me, it just has no redeeming qualities and is offensively dumb and simple (lyrics, drum beat, that vibrophone…). I know this is exactly what they’re going for, but sometimes being self-aware doesn’t make it right. Also, like some hate songs you already discussed (especially She’s So High), it gets stuck in your head for weeks, so I apologize in advance.

    Thanks, LT crew for doing what you do!

  64. I would kill for Lasertime’s Needlessly Filthy Parody Songs! “Making mountains out of sexual mole hills,” that’s too good!

  65. #1 with a bullet — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5fBdpreJiU Killers “Somebody Told Me”

    Right from the getgo, you have obnoxiously loud amounts of cacophony, with every instrument playing at once and they’re all leading into different songs. Then when the lead singer starts, everything about the lyrics makes literally zero sense. Did he write the lyrics when he was 14? It’s like he wrote a song about trying to talk to a girl he liked then changed all of the lyrics to make them deeper. “I hate this party”? No, no, it should be “Heaven ain’t close in a place like this.” Even if you Dark Souls style piece it together with graphs and connective string, the song is assaultative — it’s like they had five minutes of song and a really good breakdown and they had to cram it to fit into three minutes. Combine that with that it hasn’t left the radio since 2004 and I want to stab every radio in the world to stop its reign.

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