AC/DC – Mistress for Christmas
AC/DC’s album The Razor’s Edge was a smashing success that produced multiple hit songs like “Thunderstruck,” “Are You Ready,” and “Money Talks.” So it’s surprising that “Mistress for Christmas” didn’t also benefit. There’s no reason this song shouldn’t have become a new Christmas rock standard. Then again, it’s a thinly veiled song about fucking a woman who isn’t your wife.
Ronnie James Dio & Tony Iommi – God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
2008 saw the release of We Wish You a Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year – an all-star metal tribute to Christmas music. The album featured twelve Christmas standards, each performed by its own supergroup of metal stars, such as Lemmy, Alice Cooper, Geoff Tate, Tim “Ripper” Owens, Doro, and Stephen Pearcy. The album is mostly good, with a few stinkers — “Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer” is a bad song, no matter who the singer is.
Bad News – Cashing in on Christmas
Bad News was a fictional rock band that was featured in a mockumentary that followed the band while they were on tour… sound familiar? It’s the exact same plot as This Is Spinal Tap, which would come out a year after Bad News debuted. Also worth noting, the band is mostly made up of the same cast as The Young Ones, including fan favorite Rik Mayall.
Paul Di’Anno – Another Rock N Roll Christmas
Paul Di’Anno (Iron Maiden’s first singer) and Paul Samson teamed up for this cover of Gary Glitter’s “Another Rock N Roll Christmas” that appeared on another metal Christmas collection, cleverly titled Heavy Metal Christmas. This album also featured all-star rock and metal musicians, as well as session players who performed a wide range of classic standards.
Helix – A Wonderful Christmas Time
Canadian rockers Helix are still kicking around, though their biggest success was in the 80s. In 2008, they put out their own Christmas album, titled — you guessed it — A Heavy Metal Christmas, which featured covers of two former Beatles’ Christmas songs (they also did “Happy Christmas (War is Over)”). Much like Twisted Sister’s Christmas album, this one is actually quite good and fun to listen to.
King Diamond – No Presents for Christmas
King Diamond, the master of macabre metal, had to make his very own Christmas song, because of course he did. And it pretty much speaks for itself.
Austrian Death Machine – Jingle Bells
Arnold Schwarzenegger-themed metal band Austrian Death Machine released this tribute to Christmas classic Jingle All the Way on their EP A Very Brutal Christmas. It’s worth noting that Jingle All the Way would get its own, proper song “It’s Turbo Time” on a later album.
Christopher Lee – Little Drummer Boy
Look. This is not good. In fact, none of Christopher Lee’s metal albums are any good. This song is here just for fun so you can show off at parties. If you want to hear Lee in an actual good metal album, check out his work with the band Rhapsody. Otherwise, you’re really better off avoiding this stuff.
Have a heavy metal Christmas and a rockin’ New Year!
Article by contributor WatershipDownSyndrome.