Your Fastlane to getting a song (and your name) in the next Cheap Popcast is properly predicting the final pre-WrestleMania WWE show! Watch and read our Fastlane 2017 predictions and then make your picks too!
It’s the first Raw-exclusive PPV of 2017, and the final (non-NXT) PPV before WrestleMania, so Fastlane 2017 is shaping up to be a big event. We went through most of the card in WWE 2K17 earlier this week. Check it out below!
Anywho, here’s how the contest goes. Dave will make picks in this here article, and then open up the replies to you awesome listeners. You will then pick a winner (or if you’re feeling frisky, a rare draw/no contest) for each match (don’t worry about getting the finish right, I’m just looking for winners, if any), and then, just in case there’s a tie for correct predictions, pick a running time for the final match listed (the presumed main event) as a tiebreaker.
If you have the most correct predictions, you can make your mark on the next Cheap Popcast episode (exclusive to Patreon) by choosing a theme to close a segment. Pick the wrestler theme and include a YouTube URL to a wrestler’s theme alongside your predictions (including the running time of the Elimination Chamber match) and I’ll give you a shout-out on the next Patreon popcast. Got it? Good. Now, onto each LaserTimer’s predictions!
1 – Kickoff Match – Rich Swann and Akira Tozawa vs. The Brian Kendrick and Noam Dar (Kickoff Match)
I’m thinking this will be a big shmozz to lead up to a multi-man Cruiserweight ladder match at ‘Mania, but Kendrick and Dar can stand to lose here. Tozawa is second only to Jack Gallagher in getting ANY audience response, so I say he scores a pin here for the faces.
PICK: Swann and Tozawa
2 – Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax
I’m thinking both of these women will be part of a multi-person Women’s Championship match at ‘Mania, and to have Banks with SOME momentum going into the event she can’t be squashed like she was back at Roadblock 2016 Part II. So I say Sasha wins a sneaky countout victory that still keeps Jax protected somewhat.
PICK: Sasha Banks
3 – Sami Zayn vs. Samoa Joe
I’m gonna say Samoa Joe has a 100% chance of winning this match. This is his first PPV match as a main roster WWE star, and he’ll probably have a marquee match at WrestleMania. I expect great things, but moreover, I’m hoping that Zayn looks good enough to get SOME sort of noteworthy WrestleMania match (coughCESAROcough).
PICK: Samoa Joe
4 – WWE Raw Tag Team Champions Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson vs. Enzo Amore and Big Casss
The Realest Guys in the Room have been in tag team championship purgatory for almost four years, and while they had some close calls in NXT, their main roster run has kept them even further from the straps (mostly due to The New Day’s extended run). When Enzo and Cass do win the straps, it’ll be a bigger to-do, and the PPV before WrestleMania sure ain’t it. Gallows and Anderson win here via nefarious means, giving the Jersey boys inspiration to finally win tag team gold at WrestleMania.
PICK: Gallows and Anderson
5- WWE Cruiserweight Champion Neville vs. Jack Gallagher
WWE needs to do two things in this match; bring some stability to the Cruiserweight title while keeping Jack Gallagher’s popularity intact even though he’ll lose. Okay, they have a third objective in getting the audience to care about the Cruiserweight division, but that one is an impossibility. En route to the aforementioned multi-Cruiserweight match at WrestleMania, I say Neville scores a cheap victory that keeps Gallagher in the hunt. Perhaps an Austin Aries run-in to put him in the hunt? Oh, and can Hideo Itami make his official main roster debut here, too? Seriously, WWE really needs to go all out to get the Cruiserweights over.
6 – Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman
Ooh, this is a toughie. Both of these dudes rarely lose and both seem primed for something high-profile at WrestleMania. In fact, either guy seems like a great opponent for The Undertaker (and the subsequent rub for sending ‘Taker to retirement should this be his final match). I’m thinking Undertaker does spooky magic to the dude he picks for ‘Mania during this match, giving the other guy a tainted win. I say Strowman wins here to keep his singles undefeated stature while Reigns has motivation to fight the deadman.
PICK: Braun Strowman
7- WWE Raw Women’s Champion Bayley vs. Charlotte
There’s a reason Fastlane needs to provide *some* stability for the hot-potato Cruiserweight and Tag Team Championship scenes; Charlotte’s streak. Like Enzo and Cass’ story, seeing Charlotte’s singles PPV streak right BEFORE WrestleMania seems stupid. Therefore, we’ll have the NINTH Raw Women’s Championship reign in one year as Charlotte sneaks a win. Just… let her successfully defend the strap on Raw over the next month, please?
8- WWE Universal Champion Kevin Owens vs. Goldberg
Sigh. It must be WrestleMania season, since part-timers are asserting their dominance against the dudes who wrestle every week of the year. WWE seems determined to make Brock-Goldberg 2 a WrestleMania main event (despite the duo shitting the bed when then were 13 years younger for WrestleMania XX) and having the Universal Championship on the line seems like the way they’ll do that. My hope is that Jericho interferes in a way that keeps Owens the champ so that Jericho can have a proper last championship run, but I’m thinking he helps Goldberg while Owens settles for a US Championship win at WrestleMania.
PICK: Goldberg in 12 minutes
There you have it! Reply with your match picks, main event running time, and your choice of wrestler theme for next week’s Patreon-exclusive Cheap Popcast below!