Laser Time – Worst Raps Ever!

We’re Laser Time and we’re here to say, we love awful raps in a major way. WE SAID A MAJOR WAY! From stupid celebrity raps to sad ads, we’re clowning on bad rhymes with plenty of clips, yo!

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37 thoughts on “Laser Time – Worst Raps Ever!

  1. MY name is Izzybeth/Axl and I’m here to say Allison Janney’s rapping on the West Wing sucked in a MAJOR way

  2. I’d like to add one from the “raps that are actually disco” category.
    There is a disco-rap called “It’s Good to Be the King”, promoting (naturally) Mel Brooks’s History of the World, Part One. It is 7 minutes long, and Mel Brooks does the vocals, and it’s way catchier and more fun than it has any right to be. I unironically love this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8SDOwpENyg
    A particular favorite part of mine is the breakdown at 4:35. So good.

  3. The name’s Rowsdower and I’m here to say, I enjoyed this epi in a MAJOR way.
    *record scratch
    Loved this one. I especially loved the Ernest rap. I’m kind of upset that we will never have another Ernest focused episode. He was too beautiful for this world.

    1. I also thought we were getting another Ernest episode. Especially when Chris has said “Brett’s such a fuckin’ Ernest hipster that we didn’t even get to the movies” in regards to the first Ernest episode. This episode was still great. “We like to rap!”

    1. I loved that as a child and I still think it’s great, even if they thought Raph was “the leader of the group”

      (Raph was cooler anyway, Leonardo can go suck eggs)

  4. While listening to this two rap songs came to mind for me and I wish they were played.

    1. Crispin Glover (George McFly himself) had an album of weird poetry and music and he had a rap song about masturbation called “Automanipulator” it’s really weird. Kind of combines the old Run DMC sound with … masturbating

    2. Vanilla Ice’s Phunky Rhymes. I was a die hard Vanilla Ice fan from when I heard him in the 5th grade up until I reached 20 (so a ten year run). I’ve seen him live three times, and he’s a great performer, and his music isn’t awful but this is where I draw the line (unless you count the album where he raps with Chuck D and Insane Clown Posse). This album was a response to everyone who dissed him after his first album sold 11 million records and his rap cred was brought into question. The funniest part of this song is he rhyme Arrow, with Sparrow, Narrow and then “Funky Hip Hop Apparel”

  5. That Japanese Link to the Past commercial is actually based on a for-reals rap, “Game Boys,” by the same guys that did the commercial, Scha Dara Parr, It’s rad af.

  6. those Won-Ton Soup lyrics are amazing, not bad! C’mon maaan. Also that Guru/Gangstarr line…. Grimm these are not bad.
    .
    anything Will.I.Am does or says should qualify though

    1. Hey I’m aiming for a broad audience here, I of course love Lil B personally. The Guru line is bad since it was long before our current ironic “bad is good if it’s intentional” landscape.

  7. Great episode, I had to stop listening a few times so I didn’t start laughing in public like a madman. I’ve got a few submissions of my own.

    I don’t know about you, but when I think of greats in the rap game, I think of one man. Chevy Chase.
    From his 1980 self-titled album, here’s “Rapper’s Plight” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXSTDDeCiMA

    And here’s Russ Mason’s “Prep Rap”, see if you can make it through the whole thing – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXSTDDeCiMA

    These two fit comfortably in the ‘worst raps’ and ‘dirty versions of popular songs’ categories, rest assured they are both NSFW.

    “Penis Delight” by the ugh, Titty Hole Gang – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pxQP3IDg8A
    “Fly Style” by the Fly Boys – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6Yl1a-agRs

  8. For a project in my senior year of high school’s “communications technology” class, I actually recreated that Zelda commercial between the nerd and cool guy, filming it with two friends in the class and overdubbing them with the actual commercial’s audio. Not having a Nintendo Power on hand (or one old enough to fit the era) I found an early Nintendo Power magazine imagine online and put it in via greenscreen help. It was a fun, stupid project that was basically goofing around (and that’s why the class was great).

  9. I legit love that “Pumpkin Hill” Knuckles rap that played during the break. I memorized the lyrics way back when Sonic Adventure 2 Battle came out, along with the lyrics to City Escape. I still randomly sing both of those songs, mostly when I’m in Disneyland lines for some reason.

  10. If anybody wants an EXCELLENT history of early hip hop with awesome artwork, definitely check out the Hip Hop Family Tree comics from Fantagraphics. They are not only a great way to just learn about the style and origins of Hip Hop, but they are full of absolutely gorgeous silver age comics inspired artwork. They are even printed treasury sized so you get the full effect of the artwork.

    1. That song is awful but it also reminds me of LL Cool J’s rap from Deep Blue Sea. “Deepest, bluest, my hat is like a shark’s fin.” What even.

  11. So there’s a cartoon called Bots Master that has a terrible rap intro, but that’s not the important part. It contains these immortal lyrics:

    When it’s laser time put on the 3D shades
    Laser time Boyzz

    Has this ever been mentioned on the show before? I had no idea this even existed until someone on /co/ brought it up. And yes the thread mentions Laser Time, but since this is 4chan we’re talking about it’s probably best you don’t go looking for it. Anyway, enjoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLKYOSiW7U4

  12. The Jay-Z/Linkin Park collaboration was actually quite good. I also remember watching the making of, which showed Jay-Z working in studio with Linkin Park to re-record his vocals as the tempo of the Linkin Park stuff was much faster than his original tracks. The album also sold much better than Jay-Z’s Black Album, which at the time was meant to be his swan song.

  13. One for Diana: Rush’s Roll The Bones

    As a “lyrical experiment”, Peart wrote a “rap” section in his lyrics, as a result of listening to “the better rap writers”, like LL Cool J and Public Enemy. The band considered seeking out a real rapper to perform this section of the song, or even considered approaching the section with a camp or comedic sensibility, and hiring singer-songwriter Robbie Robertson or actor/comedian John Cleese. According to Geddy Lee, “We couldn’t make up our minds really if we wanted to be influenced by rap or satirize it, so I think that song kind of falls between the cracks and in the end I think it came out to be neither, it came out to be something that is very much us.”Ultimately, the “rap” was performed by Lee: his altered voice is achieved through a drastic lowering of pitch and adding various effects. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roll_the_Bones_(song)

    Jack, relax
    Get busy with the facts
    No zodiacs or almanacs
    No maniacs in polyester slacks
    Just the facts
    Gonna kick some Gluteus max
    It’s a parallax, you dig?
    You move around
    The small gets big, it’s a rig
    It’s action, reaction
    Random interaction
    So who’s afraid
    Of a little abstraction?
    Can’t get no satisfaction
    From the facts?
    You better run, homeboy
    A fact’s a fact
    From Nome to Rome, boy
    What’s the deal, spin the wheel
    If the dice are hot, take a shot
    Play your cards, show us what you got
    What you’re holding
    If the cards are cold
    Don’t go folding
    Lady Luck is golden
    She favors the bold, that’s cold
    Stop throwing stones
    The night has a thousand saxophones
    So get out there and rock
    And roll the bones
    Get busy

    Oh, did I mention the rap is performed by A SKELETON?!?!
    https://youtu.be/oV9yUvNp6z0?t=3m22s

  14. None other than the late great Lou Reed did a terrible rap song (and video!). 1986’s “The Original Wrapper”.

    https://youtu.be/t1Am45JrwQ4

    It’s weird to me how the same person can be responsible for some of the best and worst music of all time. Lou, Stevie Wonder, Rod Stewart, Paul McCartney…

  15. “Goin’ Back to Brooklyn” was from like, 1988 or 89, just so you know. MTV played the hell out of it back then, like hourly.

  16. In 1990 Disney put out a sing-along video to coincide with the 35th anniversary of Disneyland.
    It’s a pretty fun little video to watch if you like Disneyland and/or late 80s fashion.
    For some unknown reason, possibly to jump on the rippity-rippity-rap bandwagon, they added a rap break to Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApSzmzhflMA

    Z-Z-Z-Z-ZIP!

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