Laser Time’s WrestleMania 33 Predictions – Make Your Own Picks And Win!


1 – Kickoff Match – Cruiserweight Champion Neville vs Austin Aries
Neville was the breath of fresh air the Cruiser division needed, and Aries’ intensity should make this a verrrry good confrontation. But, if Neville is truly the king of the cruiserweights and is the guy to beat, I feel like he should retain and really cement his domination over the roster. Faces usually win at Mania, but in this case I’d rather the heel walk away victorious and then have Aries chase him into another PPV – maybe one where they get on the main card??
PICK: Neville

2 – Kickoff Match – Smackdown Women’s Champion Alexa Bliss vs Carmella vs Natalya vs Becky Lynch vs Mickie James vs Naomi
This is TOO BUSY and kind of a disservice to just about all of these women. I love Bliss but this latest reign isn’t going anywhere so ya might as well give the returning (and hometown!) hero a high profile win. Naomi could move a lot of merch and is just plain fun to watch, so give her a good run and see what happens.
PICK: Naomi

3 – Kickoff Match – Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal (announced participants: Mojo Rawley, Apollo Crews, Big Show, Curt Hawkins, Braun Strowman, Goldust, R-Truth, Primo, Epico, Curtis Axel, Bo Dallas, Jinder Mahal, Sami Zayn, Fandango, Tyler Breeze, Dolph Ziggler, Rhyno, Heath Slater, Jason Jordan, Chad Gable, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, Mark Henry, Sin Cara, Titus O’Neil, Konnor, Victor, Aiden English, Simon Gotch)
Braun has to win this. Color me surprised if this doesn’t come down to Show and Braun hurling people out of the ring. If this is indeed Show’s final Mania, it makes sense to give him some kind of hossy brawl… and since Shaq is apppparently not joining the royal, that means Bruan prolly sends Show packing after a couple memorable feats of strength.
PICK: Braun Strowman

4 – Raw Tag Team Champions The Club vs Enzo & Big Cass vs Sheamus & Cesaro (Triple Threat Ladder Match)
I do predict at least one notable injury, as NONE of these guys are known for ladder spots. Get ready for someone to take a bad bump. Also… odds that the Hardys appear either here or Monday on RAW appear to be high. If that’s the case, then you’d think a heel team would have the belts. That means Club wins, and then the Hardys come after them at Smarkamania.
PICK: The Club

5 – Intercontinental Champion Dean Ambrose vs Baron Corbin
Give it to Corbin, he’s a lot of fun and he will make a great arrogant asshole champ. Have him hold the belt for a full year, beat everyone without much cheating but LOTS of dickery. Sign me up.
PICK: Baron Corbin

6 – John Cena & Nikki Bella vs The Miz & Maryse (Mixed Tag Match)
Love the Miz / Maryse combo, but they don’t need to win to stay awwwwwwesome. I also can’t buy them winning in just about any situation – Cena and Nikki outclass them both in almost every regard. But, this should be a fun, lighthearted escape from the other matches that may or may not deliver in both story and performance.
PICK: Cena & Nikki

7 – United States Champion Chris Jericho vs Kevin Owens
Hard to imagine Jericho winning this, given that he’s off touring post-Mania and thus has no time to defend the US title. So, KO takes this and probably gains some additional heat by beating Jericho in a heely manner.
PICK: Owens

8 – Shane McMahon vs AJ Styles
AJ wins. Literally no reason at all for Shane to come out on top. If they were trying to get Shane over as a massive tyrant or something, maybe, but that hasn’t really been the direction of this feud.
PICK: AJ Styles

9 – Raw Women’s Champion Bayley vs Charlotte vs Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax (Elimination Match)
I feel it’ll come down to Sasha and Bayley, with the former resorting to some dirty tactics. Sasha won’t win though… at least at Mania. I think she’ll take the title back the next night.
PICK: Bayley

10 – Seth Rollins vs Triple H (Non-sanctioned Match)
I kinda hope there’s a ton of interference with this. Joe should try to take out Rollins, Balor (or Zayn) makes the save. Rollins wins if only because he’ll have to wrestle all through the year and H will likely disappear.
PICK: Rollins

11 – The Undertaker vs Roman Reigns
I love Taker, and will dearly miss his presence and elaborate intro… but he needs to retire before he’s unable to perform. No one wants to see him go out without a proper “last match” so Reigns, put ‘im to bed. Please use this as a way to lean into your cocky, tough, borderline insufferable attitude and become a super heel. Or tweener! Just something that puts Taker’s final moments to good use. Also, god I hope Reigns beats him with a Tombstone.
PICK: Roman Reigns

12 – WWE Champion Bray Wyatt vs Randy Orton
This has been a strong feud, but Orton doesn’t need the prestige and Bray has more years ahead of him. Let him leave as champ and finally get some defined character work in over the summer. Make his words mean something!
PICK: Bray Wyatt

13 – Universal Champion Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar
UUUUGH if anything needs a screwy amount of interference, it’s this. Goldberg has already done the shocking 10 second victory bit twice since returning, so at friggin Mania you either have to provide a real match OR be part of a big moment. KO coming to claim his rematch or Austin strolling in ref this match yet again could work, but either way, Goldberg loses the belt. I do wonder if they keep it ‘Berg just to add some extra, assumed prestige to the belt, but ehhhh he ain’t gonna defend it enough to make it matter. And neither will Brock, which is why this seems like a screwy finish for the ages.
PICK: Brock Lesnar
RUNNING TIME: 5 minutes

Up next… Grimm’s picks!

12 thoughts on “Laser Time’s WrestleMania 33 Predictions – Make Your Own Picks And Win!

  1. Neville retains: Just the beginning for this feud.

    Braun Strow-Man: Would love Zayn to have a moment but this is their next monster WWE has created.

    Naomi: Even with WWE’s love for screwing hometown favorites not named The Rock, I can’t see her not walking out as champ. Also expect to see some returning surprise entrants from the past added to this match i.e Kelly Kelly and/or Michelle McCool as her husband could be wrestling his last match at this Mania.

    Gallows and Anderson retain: Just factoring in the Hardy’s make the Club my pick. Though they could end up on the blue brand involved with Wyatt in some capacity. (More on that below.)

    Baron Corbin: Gives the guy something big on his resume and Ambrose seems to be the guy who gets people over by being beaten by them.

    John Cena and Nikki Bella: Double AA, double STF and Mr. Cena gets down on one knee for a proposal that will be shown on WWE screens for a very long time…. OR keep Miz and his hot streak alive by attacking Cena before he gets the chance to pull out the ring from his jorts. Keeps Miz/Cena feud ongoing and Cena is spared the night sweats of facing marriage again. But that’s only wishful thinking as they hired Al Roker as guest RING announcer so I’m guessing the proposal goes through and Cena and Mrs. Cena will be on the Today show the day after to promote their upcoming wedding as well as Wrestlemania for the Network.

    Kevin Owens: Good luck with the Fozzy tour Jericho. This feud will continue when you come back.

    A.J Styles: Gonna go out on a limb and say despite not looking forward to this bout, this will be the match of the night. Or at the very least the one you’ll remember from this Mania even long after it’s over. Styles is amazing not only in the ring but people remember the amount of Russo-esque crazy shit he pulled off in TNA. Jumping off the scaffolding 20 feet above the ring, powerbombed through a glass structure, etc. I expect nothing less than covering my eyes in dreaded anticipation for some spots in this match.

    Bayley: I had a hard time picking between her and Sasha. It will come down to those two. Just who WWE favors to walk out as champ is unpredictable. I suspect Bayley will keep the title but will be broken at the hands of Sasha, setting up a post match dickish heel attack a la Y2J on HBK at Mania 19. Charlotte had more than enough of a run and deserves some time out of the spotlight. Nia Jax was literally a throw in for this match, will have some moments of strength and be double/triple teamed into the back.

    Rollins: Still can’t get my head around how Seth returned so quick after that injury. He’ll be rewarded handsomely with a win over Haitch. I also expect him to pull out a new finishing move.

    Reigns: Sigh. Taker looked worse at the Rumble than he did at Mania 30, which was the only time he looked like a flabby out of shape guy who couldn’t go anymore. Vince loves Reigns and will shove this fact down people’s throats at all costs, whether it be muting the volume during his entrance or during his wins. The guy even has a variant of Taker’s old logo as his own! 2017 will be known as the year Hugh Jackman stopped playing Wolverine and the Undertaker’s historic career ends at the hands of the next dubbed company man.

    Wyatt: WWE has built up this story for a longggg time. While conventional booking would have Orton succeed in his half a year long plan on pulling one over on his former master, Wyatt desperately needs a strong, decisive win at Mania. He can’t be the reverse Taker and simply lose at Mania every year. If the Broken Hardy’s don’t interfere with the tag match at Raw, I expect them to be shown in this match. Not against Wyatt, but WITH Wyatt. The concept of the Wyatt family is long overdone to death and with Harper finally splitting off (again) and Rowan still on the shelf, this is the perfect time for the returning Hardy’s to align themselves with a character just as weird as they are. Orton can continue his feud with Wyatt and now has to contend with them Broken Boys.

    Bork Lazer in 8 mins 42 secs: The way Goldberg keeps talking about “taking punishment and preparing for some rough and tumble movements” in his out of character interviews makes me think this match will be mostly Bork tossing around Goldberg and beating him down continuously until his son says “stop, sto–op, he’s already dead”. Goldberg sells his beatdown and salutes the crowd before celebrating his retirement with his family in the ring and out of the wrestling world for good. Mania closes on a wet fart.

    Theme – Edge’s best theme : “Never Gonna Stop”

  2. Aries
    Enzo and Cass
    Cena and Bella
    Kevin Owens
    AJ Styles
    Lesnar in 7:35

    Once again im gonna try for Rick Martels WCW Theme, Razzmatazz as its an amazing theme for the two months he wrestled for the company in 1998.

  3. Neville
    The Club
    Cena and Nikki
    Kevin Owens
    AJ Styles
    Sasha Banks
    Bork Lesnar in 4:20

  4. 1-Austin Aries

    2 – Alexa Bliss

    3- Sami Zayn

    4 – Enzo & Cass

    5 – Dean Ambrose

    6 – The Miz (John Cena goes to check on Nikki, and it costs him the match, but then Cena does this
    7 – Kevin Owens

    8 – AJ Styles (I’m guessing there’s something more to the contract AJ signed, but I think he still pulls off a win. Long shot guess that it might be that a double count out for this one but I won’t bet on it.)

    9 – Sasha Banks

    10 –Triple H (Since there’s no rules I’m guessing Samoa Joe helps out Seth, and if ANYONE BUT Seth had been the one to cause Finn Balor’s injury he might to do a run in to help Seth and fight off Joe. But it’s WWE here so who knows.)

    11 – The Undertaker (Stroman possibly comes to interfere and Roman save Undertaker from an attack earning him a respectiable hat tip from the Deadman, unless Stroman does a double clothesline and somehow attacks them both at the same time, the team up and everybody goes home happy.)

    12 – Bray Wyatt (Please let Bray hang onto a belt for at least a month.)

    13 – Brock Lesnar (Vince knows that Brock puts butts in seats, and him vs K.O when he cashes in his rematch clause down the line would be a good fight to see. KO getting suplexed! BAH GOD!)
    RUNNING TIME: 7:14 minutes

    Song Choice: If Dave can find the version that has WWE’s FAVORITE BAND IN THE WHOLE WORLD I want to hear it. Limp Bizkit – Crack Addict

  5. Neville
    Asuka if she shows up if not Mickie James
    Nakamura wins the Andre if he shows up if not Braun
    HardyBoyz if they show up if not Enzo & Cass
    Jikki Cella
    Banks w/ Heel turn
    Rollins wins due to The Shield
    Taker(I think this happens B4 Rollins/HHH setting up The Shield having something to prove)
    Wyatt( he needs this and WWE needs Orton to not tie Flair b/c he’s at like 14)
    Brock in 7….BUT Ballor shows up demands a match gets it and wins!

    Song choice is AssMan by Billy Gunn

  6. Cruiserweight title: aries def neville
    Andre the giant battle royal: strawman
    Smackdown women’s title: alexa bliss
    Raw tag team champs: enzo and cass
    IC title: corbin
    Miz and maryse def cena/bella
    US title: owens def Jericho
    Aj def shane mcmahon
    Raw women’s title: sasha
    Triple h def rollins
    Reigns def undertaker (no heel turn)
    WWE TITLE: wyatt def orton
    Universal champion: lesnar def goldberg running time, 15 minutes

    song choice, ember moon theme (this song is the shit)

  7. Neville
    Brawn Strowman
    Enzo Amore and Big Cass
    Baron Corbin
    John Cena and Nikki Bella
    Kevin Owens
    AJ Styles
    Charlotte Flair
    Triple H
    Roman Reigns
    Randy Orton
    Brock Lesnar in 2 minutes
    Song Choice : Chris Jericho’s first WCW theme w/lyrics (there was no lyrics in the WCW version, but it is LITERALLY the same song)

  8. Austin Aeris wins the WWE Cruiserweight Championship
    Mickie James wins the WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship
    Braun Strowman for the 2017 André the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
    Enzo Amore and Big Cass win the WWE Raw Tag Team Championship
    Baron Corbin wins the WWE Intercontinental Championship
    John Cena and Nikki Bella
    Kevin Owens wins the WWE United States Championship
    AJ Styles
    Bayley retains the WWE Raw Women’s Championship
    Seth Rollins
    Bray Wyatt retains the WWE Championship
    Brock Lesnar wins the WWE Universal Championship in 10 minutes
    Drew McIntyre Theme

  9. Neville
    braun stroman
    enzo and cass
    miz and maryse
    chris Jericho
    aj styles
    sasha banks
    triple h
    randy orton

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