The Silliest Censored Movies & Music – Laser Time

Lets get it started in here, Mister Falcon! We’re playing the weirdest profanity replacements ever… enough to make even a stranger in the Alps blush!

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30 thoughts on “The Silliest Censored Movies & Music – Laser Time

  1. Hip hop has probably the stupidest/funniest censored songs. Haven’t listened to this episode yet, but I hope you guys touch on that

    1. Some fun “creative” censored Hip-Hop Songs

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIEy4ydO17E – Since MTV/BET etc. don’t condone smoking, the sample had to be changed to this lovely thing

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQNDRrZflBA – they changed the scratched chorus to this monstrosity. Probably because one part that’s scratched references an atomic bomb…for comparison here’s the original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQNDRrZflBA

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ww-TQUeA3E – this is only available “legally” as an edited song

  2. I think it would have been funny to open the episode with a hilariously censored version of Chris’ blowjob-in-a-pool story.

  3. MTV definitely used to censor “joint” on that Tom Petty track because it used to confuse the hell out of 10 year old me who didn’t understand what joint was even a reference to. My mom had the CD so I was used to hearing the album version of the track but the video had the censored part. It was humorous to a kid like me because Petty, and that song in particular, was viewed as being real low key and comically sterile. He wasn’t “cool” like Aerosmith, man.

  4. When I saw Big Lebowski on tv it said “see what happens when scramble a strangers eggs” I could be remembering wrong, it was a long time ago.

  5. My favourite TV censor of all time comes from Speed. Towards the end, when Dennis Hopper has Sandra Bullock and Keanu is chasing after him, Keanu yells “pop quiz, asshole.” On TV it came out as “pop quiz, ANIMAL” and the ANIMAL is much louder and by someone who is clearly not Mr. Reeves. It was gold, as is this episode. Unfortunately I couldn’t find a clip of it on Youtube, but people have posted about it.
    (Close to the end of LT and haven’t heard this brought up, so maybe it will be on Bonus Time or something?)

  6. I always knew Taylor Swift was a pop singer masquerading as a country singer and hated it/her so much at the time, now I love her.

  7. Here in Canada, nudity and swearing was allowed after 9pm. Because of this, most movies started at 9pm and went to 11-11:30pm depending on the length. Longer movies like Casino would air starting at 8pm and would be censored during the first hour.

    I remember FOX used to have a Thursday night movie and they would often call it a “world broadcast premiere”, however that movie always aired in Canada on our CityTV network the Tuesday before uncensored. And at my house, we would always watch the movie both times to laugh at the horrible censoring.

    My favorite was Demolition man. I wish I could remember all of them, but the one I do remember is “sanctimonious icehole”

  8. This is one of my favorite things in the world. A few you guys didn’t get to:

    In the TV edit of Ghostbusters 2, instead of “there seem to be about 3 million completely miserable assholes in the tri state area” The line is changed to “there are about three million completely miserable wretched walking worms in this town”. Which is a line my friend and I still quote to each other.

    The other famous one (at least to me) is the ABC edit of Mallrats. This was actually the first version of the movie that I saw, and it is an absolute doozy. Mallrats is pretty famously chock full of swears, drug references, sex jokes etc etc. For some reason, Disney owned ABC decided to air this movie in prime time in 1998, extremely heavily edited of course. The sheer number of weird dubs, alternate takes and cuts are totally mind boggling. The View Askew website has a whole page devoted to it with audio and video clips here: http://www.viewaskew.com/tv/abcrats/
    (And this page even misses a bunch that I remember from watching it).
    The actor who dubs over Jay is just awful and the choices of lines are truly amazing in some cases. My favorite, and oft quoted, is from the scene where Jay gets the 2 contestants for the game show high so they can be replaced by Brodie and TS. In the real version, Brodie asks how he did it and Jay says “these guys are lightweights. All it took was a fat chronic blunt!” In the ABC edit this is changed to “these guys are lightweights. All it took was a fast karate punch!”

    Truly a special edit of that movie. And at this point in my life, maybe even more entertaining than the original version.

  9. I’m surprised you guys never brought up the hilarious TV-edit for Showgirls…yes, Showgirls, the movie that doesn’t seem to go five minutes with a breast.
    They used something similar to Boogie Nights. Poorly-inserted, cartoon-looking bras over all the breasts:
    http://i.imgur.com/KSu00p1.gif

  10. Since I clearly have Dave’s number when it comes to episode topic suggestions, I would like to propose “Best Moments in the Movie ‘Dave’ Starring Kevin Kline, Recreated by Dave Rudden”

  11. While its technically true that cable television channels don’t have to follow the same broadcast standards as over the air stations do, they are still commercial television and still beholden to advertisers.

    We did see a pushing of boundaries and a lessening of standards on broadcast networks during the end of the 90s and early 2000s, shows like NYPD Blue were pushing the boundaries on what they were being allowed to air. Its remembered for (and joked about) the nudity, showing full ass and everything but the nipple breasts, but they expanded the vocabulary of words with the use of bitch, prick, dickhead, and asshole. And eventually they were using compound shit words (not shit by itself, but things like “shithead”). Unfortunately there was a Super Bowl half time show with Janet Jackson and things got scaled back after that. Even the Simpsons was no longer allowed to show asses.

    But cable channels around that time started loosening up and letting shows use shit. The Shield and Rescue Me on FX used it whenever they wanted, and Shawn Ryan, creator of The Shield, said in a few interviews that they were always ready to make their case with the network to use fuck on the show, if the situation ever happened, but it didn’t.

    The AMC Shows like Breaking Bad and Mad Men, were being allowed, by the network to use fuck once or twice a season, after the first season of Breaking Bad, which really feels like it was written to be on a different network. But when those episodes aired on AMC, they dipped (muted) the fuck.

    When I was a kid I always looked forward to when movies I’d already seen and usually have on VHS would be on TV, because the edits are always entertaining. I always love watching Back to the Future on TV, the movie doesn’t really have a lot of swearing in it, and you don’t even really realize it when watching the movie, but when its edited its jarring and hilarious. Back to the Future 3 has another one at the beginning when Doc and Marty are riding horses, and realize in 1985 the ravine is named after the teacher they just saved, Marty says “Holy shit!”, but they change it to “Holy shoot!”, which doesn’t match or line up at all.

    1. They actually had to fight for the muted Fuck on Breaking Bad. The show has a Podacst (Breaking Bad Insider Podcast) and they mentioned more then once how outside forces wanted to change dialogue a couple of times. I think “Fuck” was the big one and the two instances were 02.06 Peekabo and03.03 I.F.T.

      The podcast itself is pretty good providing more insight to post production and little bits of behind the scenes with Vince Gilligan and the Editor Kelly Dixion being the mainstays and rotating chairs of writers, actors and directors. Better Call Saul has one as well.

      I haven’t listened yet, but they had to have mentioned Scarface right?

  12. You guys did Sam Jackson, and you did Die Hard movies, and still managed to miss my favorite one of these of all time:
    Sam Jackson calling McClane “racist melon farmer” in Die Hard: With a Vengeance.

  13. Everlast – What It’s Like
    Weird sound effects over the swears. Sounds a little bit like a record scratch edit. Second verse, apparently you can’t say “whore.” Third verse, can’t say “drugs”!?

    Last Dance With Mary Jane
    Contrasting with You Don’t Know How It Feels, I’m surprised this ever got airplay, never mind the music video which portrayed necrophilia.

    Goonies
    Best (or worst) example of adding footage to the TV version. This one added the octopus scene back into the film. I won’t say it improved the movie, but at least it validated the later reference to the movie (which was left in and made no sense to me as a kid.)

    Die Hard With a Vengeance
    Racist Motherfucker censored to Racist Melon Farmer. Enough said.

  14. Blazing Saddles … the fart scene. Nothing is more hilarious, yet disturbing, than seeing a bunch of grown men lift up a their buttcheeks, yet no sound comes out.

  15. I wouldn’t make sense to censor “faggot” in Money for Nothing as the Dire Straits frontman is quoting the words of the construction worker looking at the hair metal singer(likely Vince Neil from Motely Crue who also inspired Dude Looks Like a Lady)

  16. i think we can all agree that bob mackey needs to be taken off of any laser time podcasts.. the rest of the team kicks ass but he is very off putting with his twitter battles against CM. he’s borderline pyscho path

  17. Oh man oh man oh man. I wish I could have been on for this, I can think of sooooo many.
    ———
    One music related one that actually pisses me off is how for so long I didn’t realise the PiNK song was actually “Fucking Perfect” It nueters the song completely, fuck censorship.
    ———
    As for TV I am surprised no one ever brings up this one. In the TV editor the jim Carey movie liar liar, in the part where he cross-examines the boyfriend he says

    “Admit it! You stuffed her like a thanksgiving turkey! *gobble* *gobble* *gobble*”

    And, no joke, it was changed to

    “You, you…uh..uhuhuhuhuh…uhuhuhhhh” while he jumps up and down. Itslike they gave up.

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