While it’s been hinted at that the Rey parentage won’t be addressed at all in The Last Jedi, there’s nothing Mos Espa gamblers love more than an open wager. Here are the ((very)) (un)official odds!
They say that whenever you gamble, eventually you always lose. Prove that prophecy wrong with the correct tips right here on the mother and/or father of one, Rey [insert last name here].
Luke Skywalker – 3:2
The perennial favourite, which also makes him a low yielding wager. Although this beat reporter is seriously hoping this isn’t true, I can’t ignore that this is an Abrams property, and we all remember how handsomely the Hutts were paid off when a few ambitious gamblers wagered on Benedict Cumberbatch being anyone but Khan. As much as we want a bombshell like Darth being Luke’s father, a 15:1 bet at the time, it’ll probably end up being predictable like Palpatine being Darth Sidious which after one film was at a dismal 1:100.
Luke’s got the force powers. He’s got a huge gap in the chronology, and he’s got numerous excuses for leaving a force sensitive daughter on a backward world that looks like Tatooine. If you want a safe reliable pick, Luke’s your guy.
Leia Organa & Han Solo – 4:1
We all know the Star Wars movies love keeping it in the Skywalker family, almost as much as they love long scenes of awkward exposition where they explain away confusing plotlines. There’s perhaps no real reason they should just dump their daughter off on a desert world. There’s also no real reason Leia tries to insist she’s on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan when she was just seen fleeing from the Battle of Scarif. Maybe her decision making and judgement isn’t that strong. Maybe Han and Leia couldn’t afford to raise two children in a post empire economy, and this being a long long time ago, they had to keep the boy. Also, Rey said in her thoughts that Han was like a father figure to her. If you remember your grade 9 English for anything, it’s foreshadowing. Again, this is maybe one of the more obvious picks, but hey, maybe I should just never tell you the odds.
Snoke – 20:1
I don’t have high hopes for this pick. Maybe if we knew anything more about Snoke. Like, anything. At all. Seriously. I mean how is this revelation supposed to resonate when we’re still stuck on “Who is Snoke?!” Remember that we at least knew Darth Vader to have been a pupil of Obi Wan’s at one point. Going by just the films, what do we know? That he’s bad, he’s got Picard head, and that he insists on oversized holographic projections of himself. I’ll stretch out on a limb and guess that he probably uses those projectors even when he’s in the next room.
It’s certainly likely to be someone from the movies themselves and not an EU property, but I think we need to know more about Snoke before seriously considering this pick. If this remains a mystery up to Episode 9, expect stronger odds at that time.
Obi-Wan Kenobi – 30:1
His voice was heard in episode 7, but the timeline just doesn’t match up. It’d help for the drama if the actor that played her parent was actually you know, living, and able to do scenes, Leia notwithstanding. (Oh, look what I just brought up…) But hey, it sounds intriguing, and is just random enough that it might be the payday you want to afford that brand new speeder.
Sheev Palpatine – 25:1
Not completely outside the realm of possibility. True, the timeline doesn’t quite fit, but when the force is concerned, maybe that doesn’t matter. Heck, we already assumed Brienne of Tarth has miraculously survived the Starkiller explosion even before the movie ended, so why couldn’t Sheev survive his? Just consider the epic scope! Rey, being the daughter of the former evil emperor. It’s a carbon copy of the Empire Strikes Back plot, much like how Force Awakens was a carbon copy of the Star Wars plot. If you have any large bounties on your head you need to pay off to the Hutts, consider this wager.
Someone Else Named Leia – 100:1
Picture this. Rey is locking sabres with Kylo. He stands defeated, regretful of the trap he left his mother in. As she raises her blade for the final strike, Kylo utters two words. “Save, Leia.” Shocked, Rey lowers her blade. “WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?”
I know, it sounds ludicrous, the kind of plot twist no one would be stupid enough to employ in a major motion picture, but think about it. Rey has met her parents. They aren’t a total mystery to herself. She knows of another person named Leia, but does she know she’s Kylo’s mother? It’s a darkhorse, to be sure, but we know the Star Wars movie love to copy. We may not speak of that other film that does this – I mean if I put money on Batman and Superman calling a truce on their fight to the death because they discovered their moms had the same name, I wouldn’t even have to write these stupid articles, but NO, I had to go and find confusing spoilers and assume that it ends with Batman KILLING Superman and wager everything on that.
Sigh, look, the point is, spread your wagers. Don’t just put everything on Sebulba.
Immaculate Conception – 200:1
3:2 – Rey has a bad feeling about something.
1:1 – Finn has a bad feeling about something.
4:1 – Kylo Ren has a bad feeling about something.
1:50 – C-3PO has a bad feeling about everything.
125:1 – Finn and Poe kiss.
Look I know fans are craving this, but look, the movie has to sell tickets in Russia. This just isn’t happening.
1138:1 – Someone says “I’m so sick and tired of all of these, Star Wars.”
It won’t happen, but I very much want it to.
Who ya got? Let us know your theories in the comments! Check out the Laser Time Youtube channel for more Star Wars-y goodness and come back here on Friday the 15th for our LIVE reactions to The Last Jedi!