Long Dead Mascots – Laser Time #399

Get ready to learn more than you ever wanted to know about Bing Crosby bears, phallic camels, cookie crooks, greasy clowns and the absolute spokes-slut that is… Snoopy. Yes, this episode of Laser Time is tackling our favorite gone-but-not-forgotten product mascots, so join us as we reveal out unabashed love for the fictional pitchmen who hocked us wonderful garbage. Feel free to share your faves in the comments below…

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13 thoughts on “Long Dead Mascots – Laser Time #399

  1. That first clip you played was not an English accent. Don’t know whether it was *meant* to be but failed, but nope, not English. To me it sounded more Australian (and if, as Sarah said there was a dollar sign it would suggest it was Aussie) but I’ll let any Australians correct me.

  2. You mentioned kids coming to their favorite theme park only to discover everything they loved was gone, and I was that kid back in the early ’90s. Our theme park was Kings Island in Ohio, and I was a young kid back when Hanna Barbera Land was still a thing. This seemed natural to me. Turner Broadcasting told me Hanna Barbera was a big deal, and who was I to question the classics?

    I have fond memories of going on the Smurf dark ride (a Small World ripoff if there ever was one) and loving it. I have pictures of me riding a carousel featuring Jabber Jaw and other obscure HB characters with long dead grandparents. I always enjoyed riding Bam Bam’s Bumper Cars. Then it all went away, to be replaced by Nickelodeon stuff.

    I was old enough by the time of the Nick takeover that I didn’t care all that much. Some of the Nick theming, like the Runaway Reptar coaster, was pretty cool. It still wasn’t the same as Hanna Barbera land, though. The Phantom Theater dark ride (a subpar Haunted Mansion ripoff) wasn’t the same as Smurfs, and the light gun themed haunted house (a ridiculously subpar Buzz Lightyear ripoff) is even worse.

    Now everything there is Snoopy themed, because what young child these days doesn’t love those classic characters they see on TV all the time? Oh, right, no one outside of Japan under the age of fifty loves Snoopy. Stepping into that park now is like stepping into a weird parallel universe where somehow Snoopy is the most beloved IP in the world, but the merch is always more than available because we’re still in our universe where no kid gives a shit about Snoopy tchotchkes.

    1. King’s Island’s peak was when it was equal parts Hanna-Barbera and Paramount. Where else could you get a picture with Yogi Bear in front of a Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock plaque?

  3. Oh, Wonderland still totally has working Peanuts rides including a Red Baron flyer. Its basically all of the kids area and an entire Peanuts gift shop. They’ve really clung to it since Paramount pulled its sponsorship of the park, which changed the names of all the rollercoasters and dropped the 4D stuff
    Overall it’s still a pretty good park

  4. That Altogether cereal is going for money on ebay?! I might have to sell my box then. I bought 2..one to try and one to preserve. But I didn’t realize it was just the smaller cereals in a bigger box. Missed opportunity to actually mix the cereals

  5. Good Moleman to you,

    That Wonderland McDonalds ad brought up a memory of going to a jr high assembly where they actually put on a full on musical number with kids zipping around on scooters, “familys” pretending to have an awesome time at the park, kids fake riding a roller coaster, etc.
    And a song with the repeating lyrics:
    It’s Wonderlaaand!
    (Wonderlaaand)
    The happiest place, in On-ta-ri-o!

  6. The Andy Capp advert was definitely Australian, as Tooheys is an Aussie brand (that would explain the dollar signs on the prices and the accent).
    Some more pointless Andy Capp trivia from the UK: there was a live action Andy Capp show here in the 80’s. It was one of those sitcoms that was more situation than comedy. A few episodes are currently on YouTube if you really want to see a cringeworthy British 80’s teatime show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPK6QMTkYVc

    There was also a long-running comic akin to “The Beano” starring a character called Buster, who was originally billed as Andy Capp’s son. yes, you read it right. Andy Capp’s son is Buster Capp. How very gangster.

    Anyway, thanks for another great show!

  7. Fun Fact: The actor who played Mac Tonight is Doug Jones, now of Star Trek Discovery fame and also the monster from Pan’s Labyrinth and The Shape of Water.

  8. The Andy Capp advert was definitely Australian, as Tooheys is an Aussie brand (that would explain the dollar signs on the prices and the accent).
    Some more pointless Andy Capp trivia from the UK: there was a live action Andy Capp show here in the 80’s. It was one of those sitcoms that was more situation than comedy. A few episodes are currently on YouTube if you really want to see a cringeworthy British 80’s teatime show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPK6QMTkYVc

    There was also a long-running comic akin to “The Beano” starring a character called Buster, who was originally billed as Andy Capp’s son. yes, you read it right. Andy Capp’s son is Buster Capp. How very gangster.

  9. The Andy Capp advert was definitely Australian, as Tooheys is an Aussie brand (that would explain the dollar signs on the prices and the accent).
    Some more pointless Andy Capp trivia from the UK: there was a live action Andy Capp show here in the 80’s. It was one of those sitcoms that was more situation than comedy. A few episodes are currently on YouTube if you really want to see a cringeworthy British 80’s teatime show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPK6QMTkYVc

    There was also a long-running comic akin to “The Beano” starring a character called Buster, who was originally billed as Andy Capp’s son. yes, you read it right. Andy Capp’s son is Buster Capp. How very gangster.

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