Poison Popcorn » Laser Time

Poison Popcorn – Prophecy

May 172013

Posted by GamerGirlTalk at 10:57 pm 2 Responses »

Before Manbearpig rose to fame in South Park, it lived a life of domestic bliss in the forests of Maine, before going on an arbitrary killing spree to finally get noticed because trying to outshine the perpetual duck face of Armand Assante as the belligerent John Hawks requires such drastic action. As a battle rages between a logging corporation and the natives of the land, manbearpig doesn’t give a fuck and sets out to kill everyone. It’s a lot more thrilling than the lacklustre trailer would have you believe.

Poison Popcorn – Gor

Apr 292013

Posted by GamerGirlTalk at 6:41 pm 5 Responses »

Before the time of background checks, any old riffraff could walk into a teaching job and be engulfed in a swarm of lithe, youthful bodies like Captain Kirk in a pile of amorous tribbles. You could, for instance, devote an entire series of lectures to a bit of old tat buried in your cross-dressing father’s ‘weekend’ jewellery box whilst wearing a pair of granny’s old reading glasses so that students and faculty alike know just how intellectual you are. That is, if you were a complete mental case or one Tarl Cabot, but with a name like that, who’d blame him?

Poison Popcorn – The Ice Pirates

Apr 222013

Posted by GamerGirlTalk at 9:35 pm 6 Responses »

Somewhere between Star Wars and Spaceballs lies The Ice Pirates; an homage on the tip of the tongue of parody nestled firmly in the cheek of a screenwriter who was clearly snuffling up the best nose candy the 80s had to offer. The plot manages to shoehorn in a dashing rebel captain, his not so furry first mate, a handful of robots who’ve been inexplicably programmed with all the feels and a princess on the run. The unicorns, space herpes, casual racist slurs and a plot full of more holes than a box of Cheerios are just an added, shitty, bonus.

7 Reasons Why Roger Moore is the Best James Bond

Apr 122013

Posted by GamerGirlTalk at 11:30 pm 15 Responses »

Roger Moore doesn’t usually come to mind when weeding out the best Bond over the last 50 years. Sure, he’s a world away from Fleming’s vision, almost straying into comedy territory with his portrayal and these days it’s all about the dark, gritty reboots. But sometimes you need a hero that can appreciate just how bloody silly something is and is still happy to go along for the ride. Moore does just that and then some; a jovial sociopath verbally violating dying men with quips and puns, carrying out his patriotic duty with a seemingly constant erection stowed down his pants. Here’s 7 reasons why Roger rocked the tux.

Poison Popcorn – Biggles: Adventures in Time

Mar 082013

Posted by GamerGirlTalk at 11:01 pm No Responses »

Peter Cushing cameos in this time travel adventure movie doing his best Mr. Slugworth impression as he seeks out the time twin of the dashing WWI pilot Biggles, because after all, someone has to set up the tenuous link between a band of British Nazi-fighting heroes and a 1980’s New Yorker who is shoehorned into the plot because everyone wanted to board the gravy train at the Back to the Future station.

Poison Popcorn – Chernobyl Diaries

Feb 232013

Posted by GamerGirlTalk at 6:43 pm 4 Responses »

If you’re an irradiated mutant under the somewhat substandard care of the Ukrainian government, fear not! For all of your leisure time will seemingly be spent watching an exorbitant amount of trashy horror movies until those clichéd tropes are so ingrained into your psyche that if you ever manage to escape the confines of the single cell prison you share with your inbred brood, you’ll waste no time in terrorising a bunch of rich American brats who are as stupid as they are thin and attractive, as opposed to getting the hell out of dodge with your hideously malformed family. Yay priorities!

Top 10 Bad Ass Taxi Drivers on Film

Jan 182013

Posted by GamerGirlTalk at 12:42 pm 9 Responses »

Taxi drivers have had their fair share of screen time in movies, mostly because showing a lead shuffling onto a bus and trying to have a meaningful moment with their face all up in some fat hobo’s armpit would ruin the magic, as much as showing their pampered posteriors being chauffeured around in a private car would. Cabs provide the perfect transitional setting for a lusty romance, an adrenaline fuelled chase, a deep meaningful conversation or just a little colourful exposition. So it’s no wonder that cabbies get some zinger one-liners or hell, even the lead role. Here’s a run-down of the most badass taxi drivers ever to grace our screens.

Mr. Bean: The First Troll

Jan 072013

Posted by GamerGirlTalk at 1:11 am 6 Responses »

The Internet: a wondrous place where you can seek out information about anything you care to think of, some of it even factually accurate; a stream of perpetual entertainment catering to every proclivity imaginable, including the one where small furry animals get body slammed by half tonne women simultaneously getting an enema, who actually turn out to be robots. It’s a thing but you won’t be able to find it unless you have Gold Membership. To everything.

Poison Popcorn – Yakuza Weapon

Dec 122012

Posted by GamerGirlTalk at 5:00 pm 4 Responses »

When bringing the magic of manga to a live action format, it’s important not to lose anything in translation. Luckily Yakuza Weapon has taken bat shit crazy to dizzying new heights in order to retain the integrity of its ink saturated roots. Sure, there’s blood and gore by the bucketful, peppered with dialogue delivered with disproportionate amounts of rage, but all of that pales in comparison to the star of the show – a fucking vagina gun. Yakuza Weapon, a mother fucking winner is you!

Poison Popcorn – Conquest

Nov 242012

Posted by GamerGirlTalk at 12:46 pm 2 Responses »

A Beastmaster wannabe and his curly-haired sidekick team up to take down a perpetually climaxing villainess and her army of wookies in Fulci’s Conquest. Gore galore and breasts aplenty await you through a Vaseline coated lens, which is called a ‘filter’ in world of showbiz. You’re welcome.

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