Top Amazon Releases: February 14th – HEART FART

As much as we’d like to spend all day making a case that the PERFECT Valentine’s gift is a shirt from the Laser Time Store, here’s the best in movies, games, and PS Vita Launch Guide…

Once again: Buy shit you like, support Laser Time! This week, in addition to highlighting new media releases and upcoming pre-order bonuses, you’ll also find a handy PLAYSTATION VITA LAUNCH GUIDE. If you’re considering purchasing a Vita, we’ve listed everything you need to know. And to reward you for continuing to endure my stream of consciousness SHILL-O-TAINMENT, one lucky commenter in this article will win a FREE T-SHIRT of your choice from the Laser Time Store!

The Lorax
Somebody on Twitter saw this for the first time recently and told me they I had no idea when I’ve said “I speak for the trees!” (in an old guy accent. I’ve said dozens of times throughout both Laser Time and TalkRadar) that I was quoting this fine DePatie-Freleng production of Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax. Well, I was, and this fucker holds up so damn well on every conceivable level. The animation is gorgeous, the music is warmly nostalgic, and this is by far one the Good Doctor’s heaviest-handed works of cautionary madness. Vehemently pro-environment, highly questionable of capitalistic greed. Regardless of what you think about th upcoming movie, this baby stands way the hell out as my personal Pick O’ the Week and I can’t fucking wait to see it remastered in 1080p.

The Rum Diary
One of Hunter Thompson’s lesser known works, but I can’t deny the thrill of seeing Johnny Deep going all Gonzo again for the first time in nearly 15 years. Although, the commercials make it seem way more batshit insane than I remember the book being. Either way, this movie’s got its work cut out for it, I mean, if it wants to beat my favorite adaptation of The Rum Diary: The audiobook read by Campbell Scott! Easily, one of my favorite audiobooks of all time, which I can’t even find to link you to, believe it or not…

Twisted Metal
HO BOY, DO I LOVE ME SOME TWISTED METAL!! However, I’m not sure how to wrap my head around what I’ve played of this game so far. To be fair, all I’ve played so far is partially completed chunks on various convention showfloors, but I felt like I was missing something… Either there was something in the new play mechanic that wasn’t immediately coming across to me, or the game was played a bit to much like a PS1 game. Whatever! I have faith in Mr. Jaffe, plus this bitch comes with a downloadable copy of Twisted Metal Black (the last TM I played, FYI)

UFC Undisputed 3  360  |  PS3
I won’t pretend to be an expert in UFC the sport nor the game, but I do know that this series has improved immeasurably with each entry, no doubt due to the unbelievably great decision to NOT release the series annually. Critically, the  Undisputed series has earned accolades thus far, harkening back to the game series’ Dreamcast heyday and damned if that doesn’t make me smile. Plus, the interview Henry and Dave Rudden and I did with the development team was one of the most fun, casual things I’ve ever done professionally. Wish I could find that thing…

Take Shelter
I know nothing about this other than a trailer I took in right before enjoying the hell out of Drive on Blu-ray, but whatever the hell is going on in the brain of this man hellbent on building the perfect tornado shelter looks as intriguing as all get out! I’ve also been taking in the first season of Boardwalk Empire, so star Michael Shannon and his stone-faced Agent Van Alden has become something of a fascination for me. I get excited every time he comes on screen, and I keep wanting to retroactively cast him in every Coen Brothers movie ever made.

Beavis and Butt-Head: Volume 4
Recently I had the good fortune to rewatch an old episode of Beavis and Butthead, so I can quite proudly stick them into the pantheon of Classic Cartoon Characters. I only caught a couple of the new episodes, and I was quite taken aback by how much the series still very much worked for me in spite of changing almost nothing. With the notable exception of an HD, widescreen presentation, of course, which means I now have to seriously consider having a go at the new Blu-ray. (I’m helpless in the face of 1080p animation!)

Human Centipede II: Full Seqence
Okay, I have no idea what happens in this film. I refused to read about it because I’d never finished watching the original. Although… I don’t think I really care to. No, not because I have a sensitive stomach or anything. It’s just… from the moment I heard of the first film’s premise, all I could think is “Fasturnating! I must know “WHY!” Of course, once I realized the answer is because “Oh, um, there’s just some doctor who’s, like, nuts and stuff” I found the rest of the movie pretty fucking boring with out a more fun premise to back it up. You can’t shock me, bitch – I have an internet connection !

Uncharted: Golden Abyss
What the hell?! Having only just recently put the final stank on Uncharted 3, I just assumed I was done with Nathan Drake’s archaeological saga?! It’s not like I’m complaining  – MOAR UNCHARTED = MOAR GOODER! At least according to my buddy Hollander Cooper, who says that the game a  somewhat astounding portable translation, albeit with fewer take-ur-breath-away cine-climaxes. Oh yeah, did you notice that blue box with the less recognizable dimensions?

PlayStation Vita
Man, I don’t know what to think about this thing. It’s shiny… It’s slick like liquid T1000 shit… But damn, that price! I’ve seen too many consoles launches to expect an inaugural game line-up that 100% provokes me to get up off my ass and pay full price for a new, untested machine… but there’s something outside of all that that’s making me reluctant to pick up the PS Vita right away. I don’t care what anyone says: The PSP and PS3 are about the biggest misfires Sony’s ever made and there are a couple of things that give me tell that they haven’t learned one fucking lesson from that. On the one hand, I love that the Vita’s recognized UMDs suck and that a digital copy of a game – with no box and manual – are NOT in fact worth more than a physical copy of the game (What a difference over half a decade makes!)

On the other hand, you’ve got confusing multiple-models on the marketplace (one of which was publicly (rightfully!) mocked for thinking the world would be happy to pay out the nose for technologically-waning 3G service from a shithouse provider like AT&T) and those goddamned, motherfucking memory cards! Jesus… Are you a PC or are you a self-contained gaming device?! And how fucking dare you charge that kind of premium for components required to play games that are arguably 50x more expensive than the many other portables already clogging my bag and require no such thing?! But still the system itself, yeah, I like it. And I LOVE me some new WipeOut!

PS Vita 3G system, protective case, Little Deviants game, and 4GB memory card – $349.99

Oh and HA, if you’re going to purchase a PS Vita anyway, won’t you do so through Laser Time’s links? Here’s a quick launch guide:

PlayStation Vita 3G with 8GB memory card – $299.99
PlayStation Vita Wi-Fi – $249.99

 4GB  |  8GB  |  32GB

Uncharted: Golden Abyss
WipeOut 2048
Lumines: Electric Symphony
Little Deviants
Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3
Ridge Racer
Hot Shots Golf: World Invitational
Touch My Katamari
ModNation Racers: Road Trip
Ninja Gaiden Sigma Plus
FIFA Soccer 12 

UPCOMING VIDEO GAME AMAZON BONUSES – Pre-order and support Laser Time

Listed in order of release date

Twisted Metal
-FREE Twisted Metal: Black game download
-Free Axel vehicle pre-order DLC
UFC Undisputed 3   360  | PS3
$10 in-store credit
-Free Ultimate Knockout Artist Boost Pack
Syndicate  360  |  PS3
$20! in-store credit
-FREE The Executive Package DLC
Final Fantasy XIV
-$10 Amazon Game Store credit
SSX  360  |  PS3
-$10 in-store credit
FREE Mac’s Elite Snowboard with Boost DLC
Metal Gear Solid Snake Eater 3D
-$10 in-store credit
Spec Ops: The Line  360  |  PS3  |  PC
-$10 in-store credit
Mass Effect 3  360  | PS3 | PC
-$10 in-store credit
Ridge Racer: Unbounded  360  |  PS3
-$10 in-store credit
-exclusive vehicle DLC pack featuring the RC410 and the Hot Rod pick up truck
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 13  360  | PS3
-$10 in-store credit
EXCLUSIVE Celebrity golfer pack including Hockey legend Jeremy Roenick, Football Hall of Famer Marshall Faulk, Basketball super-star Dwight Howard and Boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard
Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon: Future Soldier  360  |  PS3
-$10 in-store credit
Silent Hill: Downpour  360  | PS3
-$10 in-store credit
Borderlands 2  360  |  PS3  |  PC
-$10 in-store credit


18 thoughts on “Top Amazon Releases: February 14th – HEART FART

  1. I caught the first Human Centipede on Syfy a while back and honest to god I didn’t get what all the hysteria was about, I just thought it was stupid shclock. So thinking that numero deux would be the same I gave it a chance. What I learnt from watching that ‘film’ is that Tom Six is a sick mother fucker who desperately needs physiatric help. DO NOT WATCH IT EVER.

  2. The Rum Diary was an interesting movie and Johnny Depp did a good job, but for the most part, the story was all over the place and then it just ends when it feels like there was going to be another act. So it was no Fear and Loathing, but maybe worth a rental.

  3. wish i had some $$ to get some of this stuff, the ps vita looks like it has some fairly good games but since i can hardly afford food i’ll probably have to wait to get my uncharted on,

  4. I really want to get the vita but the price…man that price sucks. And after being burned by the 3ds I’ll wait for the price drop

  5. I work for a merchandising company that puts out movies in the stores on new release day. Today’s new big release was “The Rum Diary” – we got 5 DVD’s and 4 BluRay Copies. That’s it. Of course we have a full display of the new Twilight movie with 6 boxes filled with overstock. The world makes no sense. lolz

  6. Seriously guys, underneath the product just put a link to, or if the Canadian store won’t give you guys any money, just tell us. You said on the show you were surprised with how many Canadian fans you have, here is how you capitalize on us.

  7. Looking a bit too long at the Vita. I really have to save my money (and time) for Mass Effect 3 and BioShock. I’m going to have to get the special editions of both. And Chris made Spec Ops: The Line sound pretty sweet too. I might have to pick that one up when it comes out.

  8. I dunno bout them Twisted Mettulz. From wot I saw, drivin’ gameplay hindered the movement of physics gameplay, which quintupled tha issue of shooting gameplay in correlation with psychopathic serial murderers/ believability gameplay. Therefor, this gameplay to cutscene/context ratio is not at all conducive to say the least.

    When are gamers/developers gonna learn that sticking you – “The Player” – in a room where you can’t leave until the other characters finish jabberin’ on is far more immersive ala Half Life 2?

  9. 🙁 are you just ignoring our pleas for a Canadian amazon link to support you? if it’s not possible at least let us know so we can stop asking. this week alone i bought 3 firefly books, twisted metal, so other random shit, and you coulda had a stake in all of it 🙁

    Also i plan on getting a tee shirt soooon

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