Today’s top new movie and game releases along with pre-order bonuses that’ll earn you cash back and free shit!

Hooray! It’s a light week on our wallets! But once again, please click through our Amazon links below, or at anytime via the right hand side bar, to buy or even shop Amazon through in order to earn us the tiniest bit of commission. As if our upcoming pre-order section wasn’t a already a good way to save your ass moolla, we’ll give one lucky commentor a $20 Amazon gift certificate just for speaking up below. UR WELCOME!

War Horse
I owe it to Senor Spielbergo to see anything he makes. I’m not going to let the bad taste left in my mouth by *ahem* horseshit like The Terminal overshadow the glory that is Close Enounters, ET, and even later efforts like Munich. I know Mikel and Diana had their words about this one on our potentially annual Oscar show, but I’d like to point out that Empire of the Sun is probably my favorite Spielberg film, and this story of a boy and his stead during WWI looks like it leans more towards that than drivel Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I’m good.

Devil May Cry Collection  360  |  PS3
It’s pretty amazing how an HD collection can level up my interest. I probably would’ve never picked up the fairly well-regarded series again (and I defeintely wouldn’t have bothered going back to DMC2) but what a difference a little restoration makes?! Please note my good consumer attitude, game companies. Throw together your old series, make ’em high-def, add ‘Cheevos, then sell it at a fair price and I won’t think twice about buying it. Special thanks to Sly Cooper, Jak & Daxter, and Prince of Persia for already getting it. Ratchet & Clank, you’re fucking next!

We Bought  a Zoo
When did movie titles become so literal? I’ve heard nothing remarkable about this film, but hey, it’s a crappy week. BUY THROUGH US, YOU HELPLESS CONSUMER WHORES!

Chinatown
I love this flick. However, it’s been a while so I’m hasty about saying anything one way or another regarding this sacred cow of incest noir. Luckily, Wilde claims this is one of his favorite movies! Hold on a sec, I’m gonna get his two cents…
“Um, well, Jack Nicholson slaps a a lady. And, um, in the end, it’s completely devoid of hope. A hopeless tragedy.” – Tyler Wilde

Kinect Star Wars
Okay, I once referred to the Star Wars Kinect game as “the worst thing that’s ever existed.” Yes, I too am upset that didn’t make the back of the box. It’s got plenty of select Star Wars scenes to stroke my insatiable nerd boner, such as semi-decent pod racing and a rampaging Rancor segment, but this kind of fuck shit makes me wanna strangle anyone wearing a plaid shirt with a gray beard.

Limited Edition Star Wars Xbox 360 Kinect Bundle
Now this… this I ABSOLUTELY NEED! I hate myself for it, as I don’t really need a Kinect in my house, and have whatever the opposite of interest is in the dumbass game packed inside… But I NEED THIS! Even the box is awesome! Not only does it look like R2-D2 (*squee!*) it also sounds like him when you turn it on and open the disc tray! That c-3PO controller is equally righteous, and it even comes on of those twistable raised D-pads that adds extra accuracy to those old school games I love to play on XBLA. “Look,” I reconcile with myself, “Your 20GB launch Xbox is on the verge of death, you’ve been borrowing one from a place for 3 years that you don’t even work at anymore. You should probably get a new one… so why not let it be this one?” I like the way you think, me. Oh god, and there’s a $50 rebate going on this week… POWERLESS TO RESIST!

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vol. XIII
Can’t believe I missed this one last week! Especially since I’ve been basking in the Japanese wonderment found in the phenomenal Gamera set and talking monkey movies on Vol. 22 as of late. Shout Factory’s been doing an unbelievable job with these consistent volume releases, and this set is no exception. You’ve got an awesomely shitty made-for-TV 70s spy movie, a movie starring Christopher Lee, and a film called KING DINOSAUR (Why the fuck isn’t that a DC villain!) I understand that this show might not make a whole lot of sense to the those who’ve grown up with the internet, as you’ve had pop culture cleverly dissected in far more numerous and palatable ways, but this is seriously one of my Top 5 shows of all time. That said, it brings a tear to my eye to realize that, factoring in those discontinued single-disc Rhino releases, more than half of MST3K’s nearly 200 episodes have been made available to own… Folks, this was something once thought impossible due to the difficulties involved in obtaining the rights to the entire films featured in each episode. With that in mind, please support these releases if you’re a fan! Also note that these DVD sets can go out-of-print without a moments notice, and then fetch hundreds of dollars via collectors. I’ve made it a point to purchase extra sets whenever possible – they’re basically an investment!

UPCOMING VIDEO GAME AMAZON BONUSES – Pre-order and support Laser Time

Listed in order of release date

Star Wars Limited Edition Xbox 360 with Kinect
–$50 in-store credit ACT FAST
-get Kit Fisto as a playable character in Jedi Destiny mode
Sniper Elite V2  360  |  PS3  
-Free “KILL HITLER” DLC level with pre-order!
The Witcher 2: Assassin of Kings
-Pre-order exclusive Witcher Digital Comic Book
Prototype 2  360  |  PS3
-Pre-order and get upgraded to the Radnet Edition
Tera Online  *NEW*
-Pre-order for beta access, early access to live servers (3 days before launch), and in-game bonus items (Level 10 City Wheel Earrings, Level 35 Seren’s Sand Ring, and Armored Pinto in-game mount)
Game of Thrones Art Book Bundle  360  |  PS3  *NEW*
-FREE Game of Thrones: Visuals from the RPG art book that offers sixty-four full color pages of sketches, renders, photos, game developer commentary, and other rare materials
Max Payne 3  360  |  PS3  |  PC  *NEW*
Max Payne 3: Special Edition  360  |  PS3  |  PC  *NEW*
-FREE Deadly Force Burst mulitplayer damage upgrade
-Pre-order before Apr. 15th for FREE Pill Bottle painkiller upgrade
Dragon’s Dogma  360  |  PS3  *NEW*
-FREE Weapons Upgrade Pack featuring an Iron Sword, a Criteria, and a Wooden Staff
-FREE Resident Evil 6 demo
Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon: Future Soldier  360  |  PS3
-$10 in-store credit
-EXCLUSIVE Drilling Ship Co-Op Map
Darksiders II  360  |  PS3  |  PC  *NEW*
-Pre-order for FREE “Arguls Tomb” playable dungeon expansion
-FREE Deadly Despair Pack, a speed booster for your mount
Lollipop Chainsaw  360  |  PS3  *NEW*
-Pre-order to add Juliet to your pinup collection and pop cherries with Rockabilly
Silent Hill: Downpour  360  | PS3
-$10 in-store credit
Spec Ops: The Line  360  |  PS3  |  PC
-$10 in-store credit
Borderlands 2  360  |  PS3  |  PC
-$10 in-store credit
Assassin’s Creed III  360  |  PS3  *NEW*
-EXCLUSIVE: FREE Steelbook Case upgrade with art by Alex Ross