Not too long ago, in a galaxy not too far away – this one, in all probability – a mucilaginous mound of sentient matter, that could well be the result of bungled attempts at splicing together the DNA of Jabba the Hutt and the thing from The Thing, is being jettisoned into the vacuum of space; as is the fate of all mutant blobs. After all, what could be more harmless than transmuting genetically unstable, malevolent matter into pure energy and sending it pinging off into the universe?
Genre: Comedy/ Horror
Director: Ted Nicolaou
Buy the VHS (Seriously)
As it turns out – a lot of things. Back on Earth, the Puttermans have just had a big, shiny satellite dish set up for their home entertainment system that has the most advanced remote of its kind, coupled with some hardware that no one really knows exists. And it was then that Shigeru Miyamoto had a new dream…
Just before the parents head off to their Swingers party, Dad has a quick diddle with his dish and intercepts the monster in energy form. The family is too preoccupied with the array of channels its arrival unlocked to question what the fuck just happened, and share a moment watching dad and crazy old grandpa drooling over the nudey channel.
Everyone soon gets bored of that and the unit disperses, leaving Gramps and the young Sherman to bond over monster movies. This gives space monster the chance it was apparently looking for: using the little-known powers of mutant magic, it transmutes itself into a broadcastable satellite signal, undulating on television screens throughout the house.
But eventually the voyeuristic thrill presumably wears off, and it begins to materialise in various rooms using the portal like properties of an 80’s TV. Sherman and Gramps are well prepared for the attack, what with Gramps encroaching into full-on nutter territory and turning into his bedroom into a fortified bunker complete with firepower and provisions aplenty.
Grandpa takes point, which in his pickled old mind means abandoning the boy for a few shots of spirits. That idea doesn’t quite pan out and ends up getting his face squished into pulp. Mum and dad arrive home whilst Sherman freaks out, but having scored at the party, they no longer possess any nurturing instincts and lock him in Gramp’s bunker with the alien, who has now developed the ability to sprout tentacles and John Carpenter the shit out of them.
As the adults moisten up for the evening’s antics, daddy Putterman finds out that his butthole has been nominated as the first stop on the tour of the night, but he needn’t have worried, because the foursome are soon picked off before anyone gets a chance to start poking around.
Sherman finally breaks out of the bunker as his sister and her dumb as shit boyfriend get back. The monster has no trouble in keeping up the façade that the missing family members are, in fact, alive and well and all merrily bonking each other, whilst dividing the rest of its time between terrorising and befriending the children au naturel in another room.
Will the children fall for the monsters ruse? Will they realise there’s no point holding a gun on a creature that’s impervious to bullets and hand grenades? Tune in to Terrorvision to find out.
Author Gamer Girl writes for FrontTowardsGamer.com and GamerGirlTalk.com. It is highly recommended you follow her on Twitter.
Previously in Poison Popcorn: ROGUE. See previous Poison Popcorns right fucking here!