Couldn’t get enough of Osama Bin Laden being dead the first time around? Of course you couldn’t! You’re Americans! Well he’s back, he’s a zombie and he’s going to die again for your sins – wait, that’s the other guy. And who better to help him on his way than a band of gun-toting, ooh-rah chanting jarheads massacring civilians and insurgents alike in a series of gloriously bloody montages.
Genre: Action/ Horror
Director: John Lyde
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That would be the ideal scenario but this particular collective of NATO special forces couldn’t find their way out of a single square foot maze with only one exit that’s highlighted by a giant neon sign that says “THIS WAY OUT” above the door which has been left wide open by the last guy that was in there – if the last guy in there was a lobotomised, blind, deaf and dumb mouse who’d had his paws lopped off.
By the time the group stumble across the hot civilian chick who is wearing significantly less make up than the hot military chick, they’ve already lost two members of their squad to a handful of dithering zombies because the concept of shooting things in the face before they’re within a foot of your own nose apparently isn’t covered in special forces training, along with “how to avoid getting taken by surprise in vast open spaces where you have the advantage of being a) alive, b) trained by the United States military, c) in open terrain in broad daylight, and d) armed to the teeth”.
The brunette is looking for her ex-fire-fighter brother who lost his fellow comrades in 9/11 while he was in bed with man flu which quickly developed into a warped case of survivor’s guilt. Convinced that Osama Bin Laden is still alive, the flame haired renegade known as Derek headed east on his own to do the job himself.
But what chance does a lone wolf wannabe have against an undead horde compared to guys called Joker that haven’t twigged the irony of the name given the quality of the drivel spewing out of his mouth? How will a man who has only fired a gun in Call of Duty fare when there are samurai sword wielding soldiers with vaginas rolling around in the sand to look fancy – proficiency be damned!
He does pretty well as it turns out. But when the competition includes a soldier that deems it necessary to give his abs an airing just about anywhere, regardless of swarms of bullets whizzing past or zombie infection that’s a mere scratch away, it isn’t that preposterous.
After losing a few more troops due to general ineptitude, the surviving members of the Special Forces unit track Derek down at a secret terrorist camp where the zombies are being manufactured. Literally up to half a dozen civilians at a time are being kidnapped or volunteering themselves as recruits for an army of zombies. A really tiny army. With no purpose or military leadership whatsoever.
Will Derek avenge his fallen comrades? Will we ever see Osama? Will you be able to sit through this entire movie with a straight face? Face Osombie and find out.
We dare you to buy Osombie on DVD!
Author Gamer Girl writes for FrontTowardsGamer.com and GamerGirlTalk.com. It is highly recommended you follow her on Twitter.
Previously in Poison Popcorn: NEW KIDS NITRO! See previous Poison Popcorns right fucking here!