Can’t decide on a Halloween horror movie this year? Let little Jamie lend a hand – between seeing dead people, tending to a pit full of monsters and having meaningful conversations with his sociopath teddy bear, he’s got enough crazy to cover all of the spooky staples and then some.
THE PIT (1981)
Genre: Horror/ Mystery/ Thriller
Director: Lew Lehman
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It’s Halloween and Jamie is sporting the classic miscellaneous white sheet. Is he a ghost? Is he a ninja? A KKK member who couldn’t get the coif just right? Who knows, but the little creep has more pressing matters at hand than worrying about his costume. He’s out for vengeance.
It soon becomes apparent that when Jamie moved to town, he failed to pass the hazing period set out by his peers and now everyone in town hates him. His being found butt naked wearing nothing but a superman cape and a smile swinging about in the neighbourhood trees might have gone some way to explain why the townspeople might be wary, but these fuckers outright hate him, from random old ladies to the neighbours and their kids. This is not a town you want to move to if you have learning difficulties.
Having endured their cruel repertoire of taunts which seem mostly limited to telling him he’s a ‘funny person’, Jamie stumbles upon the perfect tool for revenge in the form of a pit not even a mile out of town, yet mysteriously undiscovered by a living soul, that’s filled with Trolologs. They may look like a bunch of guys milling about in gorilla costumes but after scrapping their diet of chocolate bars, Jamie alters their feed to red meat and the vicious little furries go nuts for the carnal offerings.
Jamie consults his teddy bear back home and between the two of them they decide to throw all of the nasty people in town into the pit. This may seem like an impossibly difficult feat but the cretinous inhabitants of the town are all but diving down there of their own free will, totally oblivious to the giant, black, foreboding chasm in the middle of the forest floor.
To keep himself occupied between murders, the horny little blighter starts stalking his au pair Sandy and his neighbour and local librarian Miss Livingstone. Sandy makes this task relatively by swanning about the house in very little clothes despite knowing that Jamie’s packing a preteen boner in her honour.
After killing a good portion of the local township by tossing them into the pit on the advice of Teddy, Jamie’s montage of fun set to a wildly inappropriate score that wouldn’t be out of place in a Disney movie comes screeching to a halt when the ghost of one his victims begins to haunt him. The solution to escape this purgatory? Why, set the Trolologs free of course!
Will the beasts finish off the town? Will Jamie ever get laid? Does any of this make any sense whatsoever? Judge for yourself and watch The Pit.
We dare you to buy The Pit on DVD!
Author Gamer Girl writes for FrontTowardsGamer.com and GamerGirlTalk.com. It is highly recommended you follow her on Twitter.
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