Rowdy Roddy Piper may never have experienced the unbridled joy of being World Champion, but when you sign up to a movie whose premise singularly revolves around your potent and virile love juice dispenser, well that’s all the validation you’ll ever need.
HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN (1988)
Genre: Action/ Comedy/ Sci-Fi
Director: Donald G. Jackson/ R. J. Kizer
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Humanity has nuked the crap out of themselves once again, decimating the land and destroying over half of the male population because presumably they were the ones out in the field inciting war whilst the women stayed at home making sandwiches.
The survivors realise that the vast majority of humans that are left are infertile but that’s nothing compared to the race of froglike mutants that have arisen as a secondary effect of the fallout.
The race is on for both sides to rebuild, rearm and reap death on one another, but first they’re going to have to start making babies because all of those bombs won’t build themselves.
A group of badass nurses called MedTech have made it their priority to find fertile candidates and get them bonking away like rabbits to start procreating. Enter Sam Hell, a guy who’ll shove his sausage into the nearest bun available and who has garnered quite the reputation for knocking up the ladies with his super stud spunk.
Commandeered into the ranks of MedTech in exchange for a full pardon for an array of petty crimes, Sam unwittingly signs away his cannon and balls into military service and is fitted with a metal diaper that’s rigged to shock his nether regions should he attempt to escape or otherwise misbehave.
But before he can begin performing his sexy duties, head nurse Spangles announces that they’re heading to Frogtown to rescue a batch of ripe and ready women kidnapped by the evil Commander Toty.
Spangles makes a few nocturnal appearances in her appropriately themed camo undies during their travels to ensure Sam remains nice and horny in case he needs to engage in bouts of emergency sex en route to Frogtown, which is a thing that actually happens after they rescue and drug an escapee from Toty’s harem of sex slaves.
Soon enough they arrive at Frogtown, disguise themselves as a trader and his captured slave and slink into the nearest bar to start rescuing dames. They barely have time to knock back a drink before their plan is scuppered when a mutant trader picks a fight for no other reason than he’s a giant douche bag.
The pair is separated and while Sam is strung up and pummelled in a dingy room somewhere, Spangles is sent to the harem where she must endure a bunch of scantily clad women wafting veils over her.
Now somewhat aroused, Spangles is summoned before Toty to perform the dance of the three snakes. After free styling with a mix of ‘80s aerobics and ballet, Toty calls the dance to a halt and it soon becomes evident that the three snakes he’s talking about are the ones residing in his pants.
Will Spangles skip out on the opportunity to have some of the freakiest sex of her life? Will Sam Hell survive to plough more women that he can shake his meat stick at? Find out in Hell Comes to Frogtown.
We dare you to buy Hell Comes to Frogtown on DVD!
Author Gamer Girl writes for FrontTowardsGamer.com and GamerGirlTalk.com. It is highly recommended you follow her on Twitter.
Previously in Poison Popcorn: THE PIT! See previous Poison Popcorns right fucking here!