Cheap Predictions: Pick Royal Rumble 2014 results and win!

Can you pick the one man out of 30 that will win the Royal Rumble? If so, you could win immortality on our Rumble Reaction Cheap Popcast! Read on for Dave’s picks and then make yours!

Hey all! If you haven’t heard on Cheap Popcast lately, I’m made a monthly tradition of predicting the results of a pre-determined event! The reader who makes the most correct predictions gets to pick the song that plays at the conclusion of next month’s episode of Cheap Popcast! First, though, a recap of TLC’s predictions. After notching an el perfecto for Survivor Series, I abrupbtly fell back to earth with TLC, going 3-for-7. Yeesh! The readers fared a little better, with two commenters picking five correct outcomes. However, while former Laser Time guest Chinspired picked five, he neglected to predict a running time for the main event (or a song for that matter). By just picking a match time, TheMantista wins (and becomes the first multi-time winner). Let that be proof that picking a main event running time matters! He picked Tyson Kidd‘s theme to close our first 2014 Cheap Popcast. But you can have your favorite wrestler theme at the end of February’s episode! Here’s how:

I’m going to make my picks in this here article, and then open up the replies to you awesome listeners. You will then pick a winner (or if you’re feeling risky a rare draw/double DQ) for each match (don’t worry about getting the finish right, I’m just looking for winners), and then, just in case there’s a tie for correct predictions, pick a running time for the final match listed (the presumed main event) as a tiebreaker. With the Royal Rumble offering tons more prediction options, it will count just a tad more; if you pick the winner, you get THREE points.

What does the winner get? Well, you can make your mark on the next Cheap Popcast episode by choosing the next show’s closing theme. Pick the wrestler theme and include a YouTube URL to a wrestler’s theme alongside your predictions (including the running time of the final match listed) and I’ll give you a shout-out before throwing to our episode-ender for next month’s Elimination Chamber episode. Let’s kick off the predictions!

I’ve not had good luck picking tag champ match winners. While a part of me thinks the NAO will go over, it wouldn’t be right on the pre-show. I’m still hoping we get Cody-Goldust at WrestleMania (and The Usos finally getting the titles there), so I saw The Rhodes Brothers win, but with a bit of animosity in the process.

Like most, I was really hoping that Bryan would be in the Rumble match, just because the crowd is so firmly behind him that it would make for a great story, win or lose. However, this is definitely the non-Rumble match I’m looking forward to most, as Bray still needs a strong singles match to establish himself as a near-main-event talent. He doesn’t necessarily need a win, just a good match, so I say Daniel Bryan wins.

I’m not sure anyone can get a good match out of modern-day Big Show, but if anyone’s gonna have an interesting fight with him, it’s Brock Lesnar. Plus, Lesnar has to look dominant to build up hype for his upcoming title shot and inevitable WrestleMania match, so this one’s easy; Lesnar wins.

Even though there’s thirty men in this match, you can count the true contenders with one hand most years. With only one title for the winner to challenge for, the field is even thinner. Of the announced 20 competitors announced thus far, only CM Punk and Batista seem to have any realistic chance of main-eventing WrestleMania. It’s possible a returnee like Undertaker, Jericho, or Sheamus could pull it out, but even then it’s pretty unlikely. Batista seems to be such a lock that I think the WWE will attempt to surprise us just slightly and have CM Punk win the Royal Rumble.

This has to be it for these two, right? I mean, they could both potentially take part in an Elimination Chamber match with a batch of other wrestlers, but the buildup seems to indicate this no-DQ, no-countout, no-interference match will be it. Boy, I hope so. While they’re both good performers, I think they’ve had far more fights than necessary. I think Orton’s eventual loss needs a few more months of buildup to really explode (probably at WrestleMania), so I say Orton wins in 22 minutes.


Alright, there’s my picks. Sound off below with your match predictions, (including the Cena-Orton running time) as well as a YouTube link to your wrestler theme pick. Good luck, everyone!

23 thoughts on “Cheap Predictions: Pick Royal Rumble 2014 results and win!

  1. I think that NAO will beat the Rhodes in order to start their breakup and eventual match at mania, and to be the transitional champs and give it to the Uso’s or something.
    Bryan will beat Bray
    Brock will beat Big Show
    Bryan makes a surprise appearance in the Rumble and wins (I really hope this isn’t just wishfull thinking, though it probably is)
    Orton will beat Cena in 23 minutes.

  2. Rhodes beat Uso.
    Bryan will beat Bray.
    Brock will beat Big Show.
    Batista wins the Rumble
    Orton will beat Cena in 21 minutes.

    Song: Cactus Jack Theme

  3. Rhodes will win here.
    Bray beats Bryan. Then when Bryan eventually gets the belt he can get his win back over Bray in a title match.
    Brock will beat Big Show
    Bryan makes a surprise appearance in the Rumble and wins and everyone forgets about his loss to Bray.
    Orton will beat Cena in 21 minutes.

  4. NAO beat the Rhodes
    Bryan beats Bray
    Big Show Beats Lesnar
    Momentary Break for WWE Channel commercial, and/or WWE Toys
    HHH for Royal Rumble surprise entrant.
    Cena Beats Orton

    For the song, I know you guys discussed it on the Retronaughts wrestling podcast, but I want to here Chris talk about ICP wrestling, and their quickly forgotten videogames. so the Oddities theme.

  5. 1. Rhodes Brothers win
    2. Bray Wyatt wins
    3. Brock Lesnar wins
    4. I’m going to go out of left field here and say Roman Reigns wins the rumble match. Batista is too obvious, and I think a final three of the Shield would be so money that Patterson best have booked it. Batista will face Lesnar, Punk will face who knows, Sheamus and Bryan will finally get there Mania match, and Jericho has the hell of hand, he can go with anybody. Reigns winning by eliminating Ambrose and Rollins would be a top Mania moment and cement him as a main eventer heading into Chamber, then Mania.
    5. Orton wins in 13 minutes in some stupid nonfinish
    Look for surprise Bryan, Sheamus, Jericho, or Jake Roberts in the Rumble match.


  6. Let’s see.

    Rhodes Brothers win but I could see them losing and then breaking up during the Rumble
    Wyatt wins thanks to Taker-ference.
    Brock wins
    Orton wins in 17 minutes via some sort of shenanigans but clean enough so we can be done with this nonsense feud.
    Batista wins eliminating Punk via Triple H interference.

    I don’t have a theme request if I win.

  7. Boo, I had my picks in before any Rumble matches properly started and the only thing I missed on was the New Age Outlaws winning (well I also wildly predicted that there’d be Undertaker interference during the Wyatt/Bryan match but that’s besides the point).


    1. Thomas, no worries, I found it in the “moderate comment” area (it happens with certain email providers, I think). It’s been approved. In the interest of fairness, if you win the prediction contest, I’ll play yours AND the runner-up’s song for Elimination Chamber. It’s what’s best for business.

      1. More than fair. I didn’t make a theme request because I’m a relatively new listener and I don’t want to replay something you’ve already hit before. I’m just in it for the sport, for the love of the game.

  8. I gotta say. The rumble match was good but I think I am done with WWE, or at least done watching regularly.

    I watched from around 99 to 2003 back when I was a kid, and recently picked it back up after Night of Champions 2013. I’ve been watching for a few months, but it’s become very apparent that Vince/HHH has creative’s ear and will always influence things (for the worse). Now we have HHH’s friends as tag champs, his friend as wwe whc, and his friend as the #1 contender at mania. I didn’t think politics within the company were THAT crazy.

    Shield, punk, bryan, real americans, cody/dust, and big e are really the only guys that entertain me anymore. Everything else is pretty stale. I would have marked out if Reigns won the rumble (and even harder if goldust won somehow).

    I mean… I watched RAW/SD every week for months and have gotten big into dirtsheets and podcasts like art of wrestling and whatnot, I’d consider myself a smark at this point. But the path they’ve laid out for the next 3 months is straight up garbage

    I’m still going to listen to CP every episode, but this PPV ending actually got me to back off buying the network as well as watching the product regularly. $10/mo for all that content sounds good but I refuse to support this company. Gotta vote with your wallet to get your point across. I’ll stick to watchwrestling.

    1. DAMN! dave, can you edit that post to remove the potential mania card? it was in a spoiler tag but apparently the tag didn’t work. I apologize if that ruined anything for you V_V

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