The new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles teaser trailer proves Michael Bay is your Splinter now


Here’s the anxiously awaited TMNT 2014 trailer, and boy, it’s fucking weird…

Not necessarily bad! But weird… Judging solely from the this bombastic teaser, the only crystal clear certainty I can discern is that Michael Bay’s involved and brought his menagerie of exploding cars. Again, not saying this movie looks bad, even though I’m sure the internet has a billion and one reasons this film is poised to commit sexual battery on their childhood. Take a look:

My only complaints are minor. Cliched trailer stuff mostly, but then there’s the jarring nature of the Turtle’s design. I’m sure I could get used to the new look, and I really do like that the gang’s essential sense of humor looks to be present. However, there’s still some wacky incongruity I can’t shake when hearing tubular dialog coming from the mouths of mini Hulks that look like they’re backpacking across Europe. Whatever! What say you?


I know the Ninja Turtles are very near and dear to us, especially that first movie, which we heaped praise upon in our epic, two-part expose on Live Action Movies Adapted From Cartoons. Check that out and learn of far greater cinematic atrocities committed towards your favorite shows! Or just get mad, I know that’s part of the fun. Here are my favorite reactions from the internet (SO FAR!)


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32 thoughts on “The new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles teaser trailer proves Michael Bay is your Splinter now

  1. TMNT has never been very close to my heart, but besides from this trailer being incredibly generic as trailers go, I didn’t find anything that offended me too much.
    Except how fucking weird the turtle’s actual faces look, they creep me the hell out.

  2. Anybody remember that Xbox 360 TMNT game? Somehow they look just like those, so I guess there is only one true way to make Turtles look “real.” Otherwise I am filled with ambivalence.

    Also is Satan’s accountant here implying that Shredder is April’s Father and he created the turtles?

  3. Creepy Turtle faces are creepy. Somehow weirder than the costume designs in TMNTIII.

    I’m also not sure how I feel about them being so much bigger. It’s like Teenage Mutant Transformers Turtles.

  4. I hate Bay’s Transformers just as much as everyone, but I’m going to delay jumping on the inevitable Hate Train for this movie and I’ll drop it into the “Innocent until proven guilty” drawer along with Batfleck and the Fantastic Four reboot. Honestly I’m feeling mostly apathetic at this point.
    Those faces are damn creepy though.

  5. Eh, could have been way worse, I suppose. So far it looks alright, though nothing fantastic. The huge Ninja turtles look weird, but overall I’m fine with the design.

    Honestly, my main concern is that this IS still a Michael Bay movie, and knowing how that works, I’m still concerned that the movie is gonna be 30% turtles on screen, and the rest being focused on humans/april/army (Just you watch, they’ll be involved somehow) and shit we’ve seen before and don’t really give a toss about.

    But again, could have been worse.

      1. True, the trailer does have a distinct Michael Bay feel though, which is why I still have that concern. But in fairness to the actual director, he might go for a better approach.

  6. I actually like how big they are, because when we see and hear leo crash down, I think
    oh f**k !
    I also liked how raph takes out the truck.
    The Leo and Don designs I really like.

  7. Frankly I don’t know what I want from a TMNT movie. If you’ve followed their history on TV then you know that they have already drifted far away from what we grew up with. What the hell. Why not. A lot of people hate the transformers movies but I thought the first one was actually fun.

  8. I don’t even know what to think of this trailer in all honesty. The premise is kind of stupid with the turtles being made on purpose as a crime fighting force (I think?) but it reminds me of the new RoboCop in a sense -perfectly “passable” but lacking any real reason to exist besides money, with none of the love or enduring power the original had. But this is only the first trailer so we’ll see. Also Jesus Christ the images in this article.

    1. Stupid premise? Wasnt teenage mutant ninja turtles born from the idea that a stupid premise is entertaining.

      1. Fair enough, that’s actually a good point. I’ll keep my mind open til I actually see it but I’m still worried as hell for the time being

  9. Damn, their shells are fucking huge; like hide a whole Jewish family from the Nazis huge. But, besides the ugly-ass nostrils the turtles look like they could kick some ass.

  10. outside of michel bay forcing military stuff into every thing. My only real complaint so far is why isn’t april a red head?

  11. I like Michael Bay. Alright, the Transformers movies are terrible, but you have to consider his entire oeuvre. The man makes movies like you gave a 13-year-old boy hundreds of millions of dollars, which is exactly who you want to helm a project like this. And I think the turtle designs are pretty good. I love practical effects as much as the next man, but you just can’t do stunts in a fragile turtle costume. I am…cautiously optimistic.

  12. I like the design of the turtles, but I think the CG is a little too distracting at this point. Obviously, it will get better by the time the movie is out, but I don’t see it getting good enough to be particularly convincing. They’re also a bit too big for my liking. The movie itself looks like Michael Bay garbage; I know he’s just producing, but his stink is all over this trailer. Then again, why shouldn’t it be since the Transformers movies have been so successful?

  13. I’m not sure who this movie is for based on the trailer. I mean they have the animated show on nick if they want a new generation of kids to enjoy them. I ultimately think I’ve locked away my love for the ninja turtles safely in my nostalgia zone, where it’s safe from oddities like this movie.

    I think here well into my thirties, I’m far enough removed that I don’t really care what Hollywood does to old franchises. It’s like in my head the canon that was created THEN will always be THE canon, everything else is fan fiction. fan fiction with a budget.

    I suppose at this point in history the turtles have had enough incarnations that roughly four generations of kids have claim to their own turtles. Same goes for like transformers I went to college with people who grew up with completely different versions of both those franchises, but they loved them just as much. So, meh? Let um have it, I’ll probably never see it unless it turns out to be bonkers crazy good or whatever… but we all know that ain’t gonna happen.

  14. They look a little too much like Shrek for my tastes.
    I don’t mind the different origin and story, helps me keep them separate in my mind.

        1. Yeah that looks more decent.
          Fingers crossed that there have been some minor changes made since that trailer was shot. I know it’s silly, but if they look stupid I’ll probably end up hating the movie unconditionally.

  15. I liked what I saw. A lot. The turtles have had their origin stories tweaked so many times (at least half a dozen times by my recollection) that one more is fine by me . All I’m really hoping for is some cool action scenes. If it does turn out to suck, oh well. I’ll still have the current Nickelodeon cartoon and IDW comic to fall back on, both of which are great.

  16. After the trailer I’m not against the movie, but it’s close. It looks like they might be going for a sillier tone from the trailer ending, which is good. My only main problem is that the action looks just as incomprehensible as the Transformers movies. When the turtles are sliding down that hill everything is movie so fast and shot so close that I couldn’t really tell what was happening on my first watch.

    Overall, I guess I still have some misguided hope, but the word of mouth is hugely positive there’s no way I’m going to see this in theaters.

    …Oh yeah, and Megan Fox. uggghhhhh.

  17. I’m not a giant Ninja Turtles fan, Hell i’ll come right out and say that my first experience with TMNT was that 2003 reboot series. I’ll admit that the turtles look bad but we’ve made the same CGI jokes at Lizard in Amazing Spider-man and he turned out to be pretty decent. So in that case, I’ll give this movie a chance. Even though it has Michael “Hitler” Bay attached to it.

  18. the turtles look like scary monsters. Raph being my favourite I’m nervous to see how hulked out and terrifying he looks here.

    this trailer walks a tight rope between “WHAT THE FUCK” and “let’s wait and see what happens before we all get mad”

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