A fan recreates the 1980s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles intro and probably deserves a medal.
Back when Michael Bay’s Turtles were first revealed, I went a little light on the new designs, at worst saying they looked like “mini-Hulks backpacking through Europe.” My hope was to not instantly be so pessimistic, reassuring both myself and anyone within earshot that the Turtles look can change, but as long as you nail the spirit and tone of the foursome you’re not fighting an uphill battle against fans. Now that the movie is out, officially sucks, knocked Guardians off the top of the box office, and is getting a sequel simply because dorks like me have nothing better to do last Friday night. Fuck this movie. This is all the proof I need.
Yes, it’s working with an established template that knows so well how to best tickle my nostalgic prostate it’s practically cheating, but I objectively feel there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Leo, Don, Raph, and Mike converted into 3D here by Zim Animation. It’s every bit as authentic as it is modern, and makes Michael Bay’s bulky, green foursome of catchphrase-spewing Voldermorts all the more laughable. All that effort made in the name of realism, and from what I hear, the new movie hates its entire conceit and fucking riddled with jokes about how ridiculous it is that the turtles even exist. The video above is the result of (I believe) two people, dedicated enough to work for nothing, so whatever shortcomings you care to point out with the modeling, fucking imagine what could’ve been done with a +100-person-strong FX house, a little more time, and a cruiseliner filled with Hollywood dough. And therein lies the dirty little secret of contemporary redesigns: If it doesn’t look drastically different, most designers aren’t interested.
A) They are artists, and it’s admittedly far more interesting to put your unique stamp on things over revitalizing someone else’s vision, and B) the business guys at these FX warehouses know full well that having something that looks visually impressive is far more valuable than something that’s been established by a company that isn’t you. “While it’s true that our Ninja Turtle redesign was universally reviled, we pioneered the bleeding-edge technology to give Donatello more belt buckles than the last six Final Fantasy games… COMBINED. And could those flowing pieces of needlessly distracting fabric on Michelangelo’s shoulder be the from the Shroud of Turin? COULD BE?!” So congratulations, movie-going public. You paid $12.50 to see TMNT sputter out at a second movie in exchange for watching a bunch of animators jerk off for 90 minutes. Oh, I’ll let The Onion explain:
MUCH BETTER TURTLES STUFF ON AMAZON