Article by contributor Kaleb Heil.

Hello, everybody! This is your new video jockey Kaleb Heil, bringing you the best and the worst of music videos throughout the ages (or at least the 80’s, 90’s, and early 00’s). I’d like to start with one video that grooves with the feel of the whole Laser Time network, a special animated claymation video… Can you guess it?

It’s Green Jelly–a.k.a Green Jello–with their music video The Three Little Pigs!

I remember flipping past the channels and stopping on MTV when this video caught my eye. The video (along with all things claymation) seemed to both catch my interest and disturb my poor young developing mind. Can we all agree claymation is off-putting?

We’re given the somewhat traditional first pig, a hick farmer who moves out to Hollywood…

…which is apparently right down the street.

Then we’re formally introduced to the wolf.

Get use to this shot, as it will show up again and again and again and again. Hey, if your claymation is expensive and timely, you’ve got to use some creative tricks.

So he shows up at the first pig’s house and blows it down, but not before we get some suggestive camera shots.

Next up is the second pig, a stoner, because why not?

Look at those eyes. They peer into the very existence of the universe.

And like any bud-head who’s had too much California medicine, his house is trashed.

“Litter”-ally.

Look at him just chilling out, man; he’s got no beef. His farmer brother looks like a narc though. That’s some nice detail having four different bongs, including a skull shaped one, which must be about the size of a pinky fingernail in reality. And then the wolf comes to blow his house down.

In case it wasn’t blatant enough, there is the obvious huffing and puffing line.

Eat your heart out, Joe Camel.

Let’s all remember this was actually a thing and is responsible for creating a whole generation of smokers and furries.

Now back to the story. The three pigs are now stowed away in the mansion (paid for by their rock-star father “Pig” Nuget), when the big bad wolf comes knocking. We also see the third pig, a swine version of Lex Luthor (Lex Luth-boar?).

Also, this is the smartest pig’s house. Pee-Wee, anyone?

Yep, again.

And they’re so way up high they don’t even need to have lip-synch animation for their answer–genius! Still, that “uncultured swine” of a wolf needs to be taken care of, so the last pig has things covered.

And who does the third pig happen to call? Perhaps the police themselves, who–ironically–are also pigs? Nope. With the happiest look anyone has ever had calling out a hit, he rings up…

John Rambo!

Fox Hound? I thought you said “Wolf” Hound! Only room for one lone wolf around here!

But why not fill up some of the time left in the song by showing something we just saw…

Yep, again. Again.

The end. But really though, the band looks like they have fun.

Believe it or not, this song topped the US Billboard charts and reached #17! One of the other reasons I chose it was, according to Wikipedia: “‘Three Little Pigs’ was notable for being the first known music single to debut only in video form; when the music video was first shown on MTV, fans could buy the song on videotape, but not on CD.” And while I never owned the actual tape, a friend of mine did, and we watched it maybe once. Money well spent.

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