Eat your heart out, BuzzFeed. We need it for this spell, anyway.
The twenties can be such a weird time in your life.
Friends, jobs, and romance can come or go at a moment’s notice. During this strange time, it’s important to get to know yourself, and have a good number of personal hobbies to fall back on. This decade can get crazy, and experimentation is common — we all want find new experiences from time to time.
It’s likely that you, like so many others, have begun to experiment with blood rituals.
Whether it be for personal gain, to bring woe upon your rivals, or to find a more meaningful connection with the great, terrible Old One KALU MG SHAGG YOGGOTH SYH’H NAHSHAGG MU KALAI, blood sacrifices are a normal part of your twenties.
You’re probably finding out that blood magic can be tricky.
Proper use of blood magic isn’t easy. You must know just exactly what you’re doing.
When first flirting with infernal practices, you’ll likely make mistakes,
like not using the correct type of (or enough) blood,
“Shit, was that pig’s blood? It was supposed to be goat…”
or realizing you screwed up your incantation,
“Wait, did I say ‘IGNTH’Y YGGATHO’FKMWUBUTHI X’NAGRAHKH SHMITGURUTBUUHTH?’ I meant ‘IGNTH’Y YGGATHO’FUMBTG X’NAGRAHKH SHMITGURUTBUUHTH. Ugh…”
or accidentally contacting the wrong entity.
“No, Dagon isn’t here right now, but I can put Leviathan on.”
Sometimes, it can get a little overwhelming (and messy!).
But just remember: practice makes perfect.
Probably not what you want to hear, but let’s face it: the only way to appease the insatiable, incessant hunger of the terrible and mighty beings that wander the aether beyond the insignificant speck of the cosmos we inhabit is to work at it!
Remember these tips, and you’ll be fulfilling your earthly, desperate, mortality-fueled desires in no time!
The Old Ones feed on the mental anguish and soul-tearing madness brought on by the very concept of their impossible forms, projected into our minds from dimensions unknowable. They care not for the mundane and petty existence of man — but they sure do love a good swig of hemoglobin!
Article by contributor Brendean Hesse.
All gifs are from Giphy.com.