Full disclosure: this article spawned from an Instagram posting that I ran across that featured a picture of Michael Bolton. For whatever reason, my brain instantly flashed an image of Seal and Bolton engaged in epic Roman gladiatorial battle. But who would win?
I am now going to present you with my opinions and let you, the readers, decide. “There can only be one!” (Highlander was awesome so please don’t sue me, thanks.)
Let’s get the background info out of the way, shall we?
Seal, age 51, was discovered as a model/singer in 1990. He released the song “Killer,” followed by mega hit “Crazy.” In 1994, he released “Kiss from a Rose” and became a household name.
Michael Bolton, age 61, started his musical career in 1975, and his song “How Am I Supposed to Live without You?” put him on everybody’s radar. He would later go on to cover Percy Sledge’s “When a Man Loves a Woman” and cement himself as an R&B icon.
Round 1: Which artist are you more likely to blast while driving with the windows down?
For me, it would be Seal, hands down. I think I could handle an awkward red-light showdown with a car-load of hot chicks while bumping “Lovers Divine.” In fact, I recently did this, with little to no shame. Now if said situation had gone down while Michael Bolton’s “Can I Touch You There?” was bumping, I’d be as embarrassed as actor Jeffrey Jones at a Toys for Tots event.
Round 2: Who would you rather cosplay as?
This one was a tough choice. If I choose Seal, people may think I’m cosplaying as movie star Taye Diggs, and not the Seal Man himself. On the other hand, people may confuse my Michael Bolton for Fabio, or worse, Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger as Sabertooth. But I gotta go with the Bolt on this one. His trademark out-of-control hair is only rivaled by the likes of saxophone-y Kenny G and the flute-playing Yani.
Round 3: Which song would you like to dedicate to a lover on the Art Laboe Show?
Now we’re getting down to business! You have to choose between dedicating Seal’s “Don’t Cry” or Bolton’s “I Promise You.” Keep in mind that current and past convicted felons listen to this weekly radio program and will be judging you accordingly. I feel that “Don’t Cry” would follow nicely after a shout-out to some fellow named Spider from Oxnard, and would fit right in with “Always and Forever” or “Hey Baby Que Paso.” Plus, “I Promise You” may get confused with “I Swear” by All-4-One, and nobody wants to be associated with that.
Well there you have it, three rounds of soul singer Battle Royale. In my book, Seal takes two out of three categories. I know most of you reading this will cry foul with, “But Michael Bolton is more established and sold more records!” The rest might agree with me and cite the fact that Batman loved Seal so much he appeared in his music video for “Kiss from a Rose.” Did the Dark Knight cameo in Bolton’s “Go the Distance” video? Nope.
I now ask you, Laser Time readers, to cast your vote for who wins. I’ll be here waiting for “Moan4stallone vs Predator” to be green lit.
Article by contributor Moan4Stallone.