Not unlike a fossil, these movie franchises have been covered in dust for years. I say, let’s excavate!
A personal childhood favorite, this movie follows a brother and sister as a bunch of dino eggs hatch, and a batch of small dinosaurs come under their care. They bond with the mini-dinos until the person who originally
found stole the eggs from a “forbidden temple” in South America finds out, pulls a Cruella de Vil, and hires a duo of bumbling burglars to get them back.
The dinos in question, by the way, are:
- Elvis, the tyrannosaurus
- Paula, the brachiosaurus
- Jagger, the stegosaurus
- Hammer, the triceratops
- Madonna, the pteranodon
I sense a theme here…
Adventures in Dinosaur City
So yeah, I barely remember this rental from my local video store, but that’s good enough for me. Let’s look at a summary.
The story involves a trio of teenagers, named Timmy, Jamie, and Mick, who enjoy watching their favorite TV show which features anthropomorphic dinosaurs. Wanting to watch it on a better screen, Timmy, the youngest of the three, suggests that they try watching it on his father’s screen in his laboratory. The moment they turn it on, a vortex sucks the three into the TV screen, and into their favorite show. Upon entering the new world, the trio comes across a flightless dimorphodon named Forry. Although reluctant at first to help them, his knowledge of Dinosaur City proves useful, as he guides the three to Tar Town, where they join up with Rex and Tops, two dinosaur freedom fighters willing to ignite a revolution against the villain, Mr. Big, and his caveman henchmen, “The Rockies.”
So it’s like Tron with Dinosaurs. What’s not to like?
We’re Back! A Dinosaur Story
Along with Land Before Time, I loved this movie as a kid, finding it more fun and not as heavy on the heart as Littlefoot’s adventures. Have another summary:
Captain New Eyes travels back in time and feeds dinosaurs his Brain Grain cereal, which makes them intelligent and nonviolent. They agree to go to the Middle Future (this era) in order to grant the wishes of children in New York City. They are to meet Dr. Bleeb of the Museum of Natural History, but get sidetracked with their new friends, tough-talking, street, but secretly soft-hearted Louie and a neglected rich girl named Cecilia, and run into the Captain’s evil brother, Professor Screw Eyes, who has other plans for the dinosaurs.
And in contrast to Land Before Time’s melancholy, the children get forcibly devolved into chimps, which yes, seems like it would be a horrifying process to go through. Yeah, it gets dark.
Extreme! Extreme! Extreme Dinosaurs!
To be fair, I barely remember watching these in the morning before school, but I do so in a positive light, because it delivered humanoid roid-ripped dinos firing lasers, gnarling teeth, and clashing claws. It’s metal. But for some clarity, lets look up a summary:
The series starred a tyrannosaurus (T-Bone), a triceratops (Spike), a stegosaurus (Stegz), and a pteranodon (Bullezeye)…
Because nothing is more extreme than insertion of the letter z. Notzhing!
…that were transformed into super warriors by an inter-dimensional criminal named Argor Zardok.
Because again, why not?
They rebelled against the alien criminal and do battle with Argor’s second group of warriors known as the Evil Raptors.
The raptors are de facto evil. Is that racist? Specist? Did someone get mad that the raptors were popular in Jurassic Park? I will not stand for this!
Eventually, the Raptors’ objective is to cause global warming by increasing the Earth’s temperature, which will make life on earth more comfortable for reptiles.
This means David Icke is right. The lizard men are out to get us! Check your nearest congressmen’s eyes for slits!
Honorable Mention: Barney
Whatever happened to Barney? I say bring him back, but as less of a friendly drunkard and more carnivorous, coming to life when the children are alone, luring them close with songs and promises of fun, only to slowly pick them off one by one and devour them, then getting a BJ from Baby Bop behind the school.
Article by contributor Cody Stovall.