1 – DOLPH ZIGGLER, CESARO & NEVILLE VS. RUSEV, SHEAMUS & KING BARRETT (KICKOFF MATCH)
This matchup is like, “Nine misfortunes? I’d like to see that!” in wrestling form. Everyone here could be headlining or at least in a focused feud and instead they’re farting around while people shuffle in and buy $9 sippy wine. How the flying eff word all these people ended up here and not in meaningful angles is beyond me. Not to mention this means both Truth and Stardust are on some sub-sub card fighting in a hotel lobby. It’s impossible to accurately gauge who might win because ALL SIX people have been getting 50-50 booking and have no heat at all. So it’s more like, welp Rusev has the most recent backstage heat for getting married out of storyline, so I guess Dolph and co win? Won’t matter because this SmackDown match will surely happen again and they’ll trade the win.
2- INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION KEVIN OWENS VS. RYBACK
Owens wins. ALTHOUGH Hungee Babby Wyback was really entertaining on Table for 3 so I hope he gets to do something fun afterward.
3- WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS THE NEW DAY VS. THE DUDLEY BOYZ
No idea why they’d give it back to the Boyz. New Day is on a role so they better maintain.
4- DIVAS CHAMPION CHARLOTTE VS. NIKKI BELLA
Charlotte please, otherwise the barest semblance of a story with these two is gone.
5- UNITED STATES CHAMPION JOHN CENA VS. OPEN CHALLENGE OPPONENT
INTERESTING! Likely an NXT callup? Or maybe one of the kickoff folks comes out and takes the belt off Cena? I prefer the idea of Cena retaining here and losing on Raw come Monday, so the belt gets some great TV time and then Cena takes his months-long break (likely to re-debut at Rumble with Del Rio).
6- ROMAN REIGNS VS. BRAY WYATT (HELL IN A CELL MATCH)
Wyatt needs to win, IMO. He needs some high profile victories… or at least push Roman to the brink and maybe make him start a slow veer into heel territory? I’ll go with Roman because Roman strong, etc.
7- WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION SETH ROLLINS VS. DEMON KANE
Can Kane interfere in his own match? Can Kane actually lose clean in the middle of the ring? Rollins wins, but HOW they do this in an entertaining way is what I’m interested in.
8- THE UNDERTAKER VS. BROCK LESNAR (HELL IN A CELL MATCH)
Both leave for the rest of the year after this, so I smell yet another weirdo finish that doesn’t give a conclusive ending (despite being billed as the last time they’ll face each other). Brock does need to move on though, his allure is kinda wearing off. Suplexing Cena 900 times bought him a year’s worth of goodwill, but fighting Taker yet again ain’t all that exciting. BUT I will always pop for that Taker intro!
There’s our picks. List your own below with a final match running time and your choice of wrestler theme! Good luck!