Christmas is barely two weeks away, and you still haven’t found that perfect gift for your Stallone-loving significant other. Don’t worry, Laser Time and Amazon have you covered. The following is a list of Sly-inspired gifts sure to get a “Hey yo” and not a “Hey no!”
Rocky Balboa (PSP)
The Sony handheld is the hottest gift this holiday season! Why wouldn’t you want give your guy or gal the hottest game of the year… of 2006. Look at the photo-realistic graphics — Rocky has never looked better! Don’t get the Phantom Pains or Rainbow Six’s this year. Go PSP or go (Playstation) home!
Sure, he or she asked for Mad Max on Blu-ray, but it’s still too early in the format wars to pick a side. Play it safe and go with HD-DVD this holiday season — they’re backed by electronic super-giant Toshiba, after all! And it’s Stallone’s greatest action film by far, leaps and bounds over Rocky or that Rambo crap. Plus, the ending has a nice shot of the pre-9/11 Twin Towers that is sure to get him or her into the holiday spirit.
Apollo Creed Boxing Trunks
This is actually on my personal Christmas list. Who wouldn’t want to rock the Eye of the Tiger while strutting around the living room on their day off? Ignore all the low ratings and bad reviews claiming that these screen-worthy props fall apart after just one wash — those fools are probably Drago sympathizers. Order this now, because there is no tomorrow!
The Meat Action Figure
For the record, there is nothing wrong with a grown man asking for
action figures collector’s items for Christmas. If you’re going to collect, you might as well collect the best, and when it comes to iconic Rocky opponents, meat is always at the top of the list. Your dude may not come out and say it, but he most definitely wants to beat his meat this holiday season. So let him; buy this Jakks Pacific action figure.
Rambo Car Air Freshener
Wait, what the f***? Someone is actually selling these? When you grow tired of that played-out green Christmas tree hanging from your rear-view mirror, why not be reminded that Rambo helped the Taliban during the 80s, while also keeping your car smelling fresh? I guess.
If you still haven’t found that perfect gift, there’s always Rhinestone on DVD. Merry Stallone-mas and Happy Sly Year! I’ll leave you with this meme as a parting gift:
Moan4Stallone is Laser Time’s foremost Sylvester Stallone expert (duh). Follow him on Twitter for all Sly, all the time.