Simpsons Arcade Bosses Ranked From Worst To Best

5 – Kabuki Actor

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Who knew Channel 6 had such diverse programming? The inclusion of a kabuki warrior amongst The Simpsons Arcade Game’s baddies is a bit confusing, but it does work within Konami’s wheelhouse. If you were a 90s kid running through TSAG, seeing this boss alongside his purple-clad ninja friend probably recalled memories of playing the TMNT unit in 1989. And look, it’s right across the hall at your local arcade and your same foursome can hop over and kick some shell. As for the Kabuki Actor himself, he’s brandishing a pretty sick blade so he’s more of a threat than most enemies.

4 – Bear

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The bear may be a bit underwhelming in terms of attacks, but the big grizzly creature makes up for it with storyline motivations. Think about it… Maggie is missing and Mr. Burns is putting every human enemy he can between the Simpsons family and that jewel. It’s kinda weird for an animal to join Burns’ cause, but a bear would want to attack the rest of Our Favorite Family out of rage, since they lost the bears’ leader (and main provider of pacifiers). The bear’s offensive output may be a bit on the tame side, but it looks cool so it beats out most of the indecipherable enemies.

CARTOON APPEARANCE:
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3 – Werner von Brawn

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Sorry to let my wrestling podcast host logic seep in here, but how much of a threat can Werner von Brawn be if he had to cheat to defeat Rasputin the Friendly Russian? While his scale it slightly messed up with compared to future guest star Bret “Hitman” Hart, WvB is *just* familiar enough to be a first boss, and the brief shot of the wrestler in a business suit before the battle is enough to convey that he’s sold out to Mr. Burns. The one downside to this grappler as a boss is that he reminds you that Truckasaurus is nowhere to be seen despite existing in the Simpsons universe at the time of development.

CARTOON APPEARANCE:
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2 – Mr. Burns

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While he’s far from a great leader on the show, Burns is one boss boss in The Simpsons Arcade Game. He’s everything you want in a final boss – he takes a far bigger form than his feeble figure, transforms multiple times, and unloads plenty of firepower onto any Simpson unlucky enough to stand in his path. The transition between his forms is a little weird — where most bosses would evolve into giants or demons, Burns just changes his wheels — but he still has a level of badassery that makes him one of TSAG’s best enemies.

CARTOON APPEARANCE:
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1 – Smithers

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Awful voice acting aside, Smithers is the bomb in The Simpsons Arcade Game… literally! As far as difficulty goes, Smithers strikes a pretty great balance; he regularly tosses tricky bombs, but he doesn’t have the crummy “you go die now” massive attacks like the Krusty Balloon’s ground pound or Mr. Burns’ nuke. A caped, bomb-toting Smithers may not work within the character’s history, but it doesn’t look completely foreign. If I could lob one complaint, I’d say that those explosives are a bit too tiny. You want a bomb bigger than a grapefruit, while these are only slightly larger than a cherry bomb. Anywho, Smithers totally steals the show in TSAG, and we’d gladly welcome him to our world.

CARTOON APPEARANCE:
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What are your thoughts on our boss ranking? Do you have any other favorite enemies from The Simpsons Arcade Game? Join in the anniversary celebration and chat about TSAG below! Want to learn more of Our Favorite Family’s origins? Check out the Talking Simpsons podcast! Want to watch this game in motion? Check out our playthrough of The Simpsons Arcade Game below!

5 thoughts on “Simpsons Arcade Bosses Ranked From Worst To Best

  1. Holy crap, I never thought about ranking video game bosses as viable article material, but I love it. I’m all for looking at quirky boss collectives from other games, like the rival mutants in X-Men Arcade or the copyright infringing baddies from Revenge of Shinobi. The Punch-Out!! boxers may count too, if it can be said that the game is a boss rush. Also, for the list itself, I don’t even remember the alien and the robot, so it’s fitting they’re near the bottom of the list. It’s been awhile since I played, so a good opportunity to replay the game and refresh my memory.

  2. Did you know in the Japanese ROM of the game there’s a chance the Krusty Balloon only inflates part way and it suddenly turns into Handsome Pete. He wouldn’t appear in the series until season 7 but Konami was really ahead of the curve. He is invulnerable so the only way to defeat him is insert another quarter so he dances for hours.
    Great article Dave is serves as another reminder I fucked up by not downloading it to my PS3 before it disappeared into a cloud of in dispute IP.

  3. If that game was made around season 9, what characters would have been bosses instead?

    I can totally see Krustylands boss being Krusty the Clown, but halfway through the fight you punch the clothes off him to reveal Sideshow Bob.

    Moe’s bar would probably be Drederick Tatum, Channel 8 would be Itchy and Scratchy robots as the mid-level fight and Kang and Kodos as final boss, and graveyard level would be Freddy Kruger Willy.

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