With Extreme Rules this weekend, Laser Time’s is once again compiling its WWE show predictions in text form for you to peruse before you make your picks. The most extreme-ly accurate fan gets their choice of theme to close next week’s Cheap Popcast!
Finally, WWE predictions… HAVE COME BACK… to Laser Time (in article form). While we’ve enjoyed making predictions on Cheap Popcast, those don’t have the longest relevance in podcast form since we post on Fridays and the big shows are on Sundays. So we’re bringin’ em back here so we can make our predictions without the potential of being swayed by each other’s arguments, and we’ll still tally em up and talk about our accuracy next week!
Anywho, here’s how the prediction contest goes. The LaserTime gang will make picks in this here article (the winner will get their picks on the first page the next month), and then open up the replies to you great listeners. You will then pick a winner (or if you’re feeling frisky, a rare draw/no contest) for each match (don’t worry about getting the finish right, I’m just looking for winners, if any), and then, just in case there’s a tie for correct predictions, pick a running time for the final match listed (the presumed main event) as a tiebreaker.
If you’re extreme-ly accurate and have the most correct preditctions, you can make your mark on the next Cheap Popcast episode by choosing a theme to close a segment. Pick the wrestler theme and include a YouTube URL to a wrestler’s theme alongside your predictions (including the running time of Reigns-Styles match) and I’ll give you a shout-out on next week’s episode. Got it? Good. Now, onto each LaserTimer’s predictions!
1 – Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin (No Disqualification Match, Kickoff show)
Around this time every year, I harbor delusions that the WWE will try to give DZ a Daniel Bryan-style underdog story since he’s perpetually popular despite his lack of main event time. This year I’m going to be realistic and say Corbin wins, but does so very underhandedly as per the stipulation. BC just blasts DZ to heck and back with a biker chain or something before the match even starts, and we get an extra preshow match where The Golden Truth Explodes!
2 – United States Champion Kalisto vs. Rusev
This one is my lock of the night; Cena is back next week, and it’d be great to put him back to work with the John Cena US Open. Before that, he’ll run through Rusev again (though maybe Rusev can trade a few victories first this time, please?).
3- Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows vs. The Usos (Tornado Tag Match)
The Club is running the risk of becoming as forgotten as Sega’s similarly named shooter. Trading victories with Roman and his pals hasn’t done them favors, so I say they trounce The Usos, beating down Ro’s bros so that the Usos can’t help in the main event.
PICK: THE CLUB
4- Dean Ambrose vs. Chris Jericho (Asylum Match)
This feud may be a bit too far on the goofy side with all the plant-breaking, jacket-tearing, and cages filled with mops, but when push comes to shove, these two dudes can deliver in brutal matches. I keep thinking every one of Y2J’s PPV matches will be his last for awhile, but with so many returns on the horizon, I’m betting Jericho’s banked enough podcasts to lose here and take a sabbatical.
PICK: DEAN AMBROSE
5- WWE Tag Team Champions The New Day vs. The Vaudevillains
After a blase debut, this feud has done wonders for The Vaudevillains. I think we’re still a few months away from Gallows and Anderson going after the tag straps, so I say this feud is prolonged due to a screwy finish. I’m saying TND wins, but English and Gotch look up some obscure Queensbury rule that grants them a rematch.
PICK: THE NEW DAY
6- Intercontinental Champion The Miz vs. Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn (Fatal 4-Way Match)
The time to pull the trigger on Cesaro is now. Owens seems like a lock for Money in the Bank and Zayn as his constant foil in the cash-in process, so Cesaro becoming the Cena of the IC division would be a good way to groom the Swiss Superman for a proper championship ascension. I hope.
7- WWE Women’s Champion Charlotte vs. Natalya (Submission Match; Ric Flair banned from ringside)
So Ric Flair is banned from ringside, but we can still have interference, right? It’s the return of David Flair, babay! Just kidding. I do think this match will be beset with interference and a tainted victory for Charlotte when an Emma-less Dana Brooke activates heel powers with Charlotte, allowing the Women’s Champion to gradually wean off her heat-soaking dad.
8- WWE World Heavyweight Champion Roman Reigns vs. AJ Styles (Extreme Rules Match)
Even though Roman has to look strong 4 Lyfe, consecutive PPV losses for AJ will be tough for Styles to rebound from, especially if The Phenomenal One loses cleanly. To that end, I think tonight is the night where Finn Balor shows up and takes ownership of The Club, screwing Styles out of the title and allowing Reigns to escape by the skin of his teeth. The whole thing will take awhile, so I say Reigns gets the pin at 29:15.
Up next… Hank’s picks!