LaserTime’s WWE Extreme Rules 2016 predictions: make yours too!

extremerules-hank
HANK’S PREDICTIONS

1 – Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin (No Disqualification Match, Kickoff show)
Gotta go Corbin. He took the first loss to be humbled and to avoid any kind of win streak, so they got his first main roster pinfall done at Payback. This time Baron will batter Dolph until he finally beats Ziggler as Baron steps up to his next challenge. Maybe it’s a program for the IC or US belt, maybe it’s straight to the Money In The Bank match. Either way, gotta make Baron look strong, so beating Dolph is a must.
PICK: CORBIN

2 – United States Champion Kalisto vs. Rusev
The Rusev who challenged Cena at WrestleMania 31 would tear apart Kalisto in 60 seconds, then floss his teeth with the luchador’s bones. The Rusev who was part of the League of Losers actually gets distracted by two injury prone cruiserweights and gets rolled up. I want Extreme Rules to be a return of the Rusev of old, so I’m picking him to murderize Kalisto and leave with a pile of bones covered in glittering spandex. Let this be Rusev’s rebirth (even if it potentially means setting him up to lose the US Championship to a returning Cena).
PICK: RUSEV

3- Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows vs. The Usos (Tornado Tag Match)
The Club actually lost to these clowns on Raw, and I was none too happy. It’d be even worse if they lost again, not to mention dumb to do as these new guys are just getting started. Karl and Luke might have to cheat to do it, but they NEED a win here to stay relevant, so I’m picking them. HOWEVER, if they’re a big part of the main event, then I think they’ll lose since Vince figures The Club will get their heat back by costing Roman the match (though that outcome seems very unlikely).
PICK: THE CLUB

4- Dean Ambrose vs. Chris Jericho (Asylum Match)
Hmmmm – WWE’s all important 50/50 booking seems to side with Y2J on this, and additionally the odds don’t favor the guy who made up a new match type winning said match – just look at Jericho in the inaugural MITB. Given the number of doofy props on hand, I could see Jericho utilizing any one of them to beat Dean in a way that makes Ambrose look dumber than necessary. So yeah, Dean will likely get hit with an apple pie and then Jericho gets a pin, setting up for a blowoff rubber match at MITB.
PICK: JERICHO

5- WWE Tag Team Champions The New Day vs. The Vaudevillains
I love the Vaudevillains more than most, but NO WAY are these guys going to beat the crazy popular New Day in such a surprisingly stacked tag division. I hate to say it, but this might be the highest Aiden and Gotch go, and this loss will set them on the path of The Ascension, where they’ll lose matches to Usos on every other episode of Superstars. Sad, but oh well – NEW DAY ROCKS, NEW DAY ROCKS!
PICK: THE NEW DAY

6- Intercontinental Champion The Miz vs. Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn (Fatal 4-Way Match)
A tough one to decide. On the one hand, this is just the type of situation where Miz can sneakily steal a pin and retain. On the other hand, it’s the type of situation where Miz can eat a pinfall, keeping all the indie darlings safe from taking a full on loss. Based on my predictions so far, I think I have too many heels winning, so I’m gonna say Cesaro picks up the win here, rewarding him for being so damn good since his return. He goes on a tear of defenses that keep him out of MITB, leaving Zayn and Owens to take their feud into another big deal ladder match.
PICK: CESARO

7- WWE Women’s Champion Charlotte vs. Natalya (Submission Match; Ric Flair banned from ringside)
WWE storytelling logic: When the odds are stacked against the heel by overbearing authority figures, the heel WINS. It’ll only feel good to see someone like Charlotte lose if someone overcomes a Flair advantage, not if Natalya wins in a match constructed to give her the belt. Charlotte will use her Flair cunning to sneak out another win over Nattie, who has been great throughout the whole feud BTW. And after Charlotte wins, can we PLEASE have Sasha Banks back and doing stuff instead her doing JACK SHIT ON TV!?!?!
PICK: CHARLOTTE

8- WWE World Heavyweight Champion Roman Reigns vs. AJ Styles (Extreme Rules Match)
As a diehard NJPW viewer and owner of two Bullet Club t-shirts, I’d want nothing more than to see AJ make a full heel turn, steal the title from Roman, and Too Sweet his #BizCliz bros in the middle of the ring as the PPV ends. But that simply isn’t happening – WWE may be more cognizant of Roman getting booed, but he remains on the streak of all WrestleMania champions, meaning he won’t drop the belt any sooner than SummerSlam. So, I think Roman wins a hard fought and VERY good match against Styles, AJ gives Roman a handshake for being the better man that night, all setting up for The Club to turn on AJ for being weak. But who could lead The Club if not AJ? I’m certain their Prince (Devitt) will come soon enough.
PICK: REIGNS

Up next… Brett’s picks!

14 thoughts on “LaserTime’s WWE Extreme Rules 2016 predictions: make yours too!

  1. –Baron Corbin over Ziggler to set up a pissed off Dolph going into MitB
    –Rusev squashes Kalisto to set up Lucha Dragons returning to fight Primo & Epico for the next 6 months
    –Uso’s “overcome the odds” and take out The Club
    –Ambrose jumps from the top of the asylum to take out Jericho
    –The Vaudevillains narrowly beat The New Day to set up the return of Enzo
    –Kevin Owens takes out Cesaro after some interference by Maryse; KO spends the lead up to MitB taunting Cesaro
    –Charlotte cheats her way into a victory after tapping while the ref is distracted
    — Reigns wins at 27:30 by summoning his Samoan ancestors’ “OHH-AHH” power and hitting a spear unlike anyone has ever seen…or exactly like everyone has already seen…multiple times.

    Theme: RVD — One Of A Kind, cause Cheap Popcast is one of a kind! https://youtu.be/AA__1iizDfs

  2. 1. Corbin
    2. Rusev
    3. Usos only because the Club have been made into Shlubs at the moment
    4. Ambrose
    5. New Day
    6. Miz (BS win)
    7. Charlotte (with secret help from the Yeti)
    8. Reigns in 22 min

    I choose the York Foundation’s theme, sounds like the intro to a news organization. WCW nightly news with your news anchor Biff Studman, onsite reporting with Manly Manstein, sports with Flex Bicep and weather with Rock Stone.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqTv2m13sgY

  3. 1.Corbin
    2. Kalisto
    3. Club (usos are going to help out roman in the main event)
    4. Ambrose
    5. Vaudevillians
    6. Cesaro (Kevin Owens is going to cost Sami Zayn the IC Championship)
    7. Charlotte
    8. Reigns with Uso interference at 25 minutes

    Asuka’s current theme is my pick https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us__Go30_kk

  4. I think every has made some good cases for their booking, but allow me to do something a little different: complain!

    I think Baron Corbin is warmed over trash. He was always the down part of NXT, the slump before some other stellar match. He has the physique of some dude who has never hit the gym but doesn’t wear a shirt anyways, and the face of that creepy kid in middle school who has four step dads and no fucking friends. We know your mom is a horrible bitch, and that is why you hate yourself. I hope Baron Corbin never wins anything, ever. I hope he dies in a motorcycle wreck in Florida, his spot on the card is just filled, and every one moves on forgetting he ever existed.

    He is, in every way, a much soggier, lesser-than Roman Reigns. WE DO NOT NEED THAT. AT ALL. ANY WHERE!

    Happy Extreme Rules everyone! ;3

  5. im going by who I want to win.

    – Ziggler
    – Rusev
    – The Club
    – Ambrose
    – The New Day
    – Cesaro
    – Charlotte
    – Styles

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