WWE Hell in a Cell 2016 is upon us, and Laser Time’s rasslin fans show will go through hell to make sure they’ve got the most correct predictions. Read our thoughts, and then make your picks with the potential to have your favorite wrestling theme on the next Cheap Popcast!
This weekend, we enter HELL. Yes, it’s time for WWE Hell in a Cell, where WWE’s largest structure houses the biggest matches of the fall. We went through every title match (and then some) in our debut stream for WWE 2K17, and you can watch the fun below!
Anywho, here’s how our prediction contests go. The LaserTime folks will make picks in this here article, and then open up the replies to you great listeners. You will then pick a winner (or if you’re feeling frisky, a rare draw/no contest) for each match (don’t worry about getting the finish right, I’m just looking for winners, if any), and then, just in case there’s a tie for correct predictions, pick a running time for the final match listed (the presumed main event) as a tiebreaker.
If you reap the wealth of your picks and have the most correct predictions, you can make your mark on the next Cheap Popcast episode (exclusive to Patreon) by choosing a theme to close a segment. Pick the wrestler theme and include a YouTube URL to a wrestler’s theme alongside your predictions (including the running time of World Championship match) and I’ll give you a shout-out on the next episode. Got it? Good. Now, onto each LaserTimer’s predictions!
1 – Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado and Sin Cara vs. Tony Nese, Drew Gulak and Ariya Daivari – Pre-show match
While it may be a bit sad that some of the stars that had Full Sail roaring during the Cruiserweight Classic are competing while crickets chirp on Raw, but I’m hopeful for this show-opening match since it’ll have a good chance to start HiaC off strong with some high-flying action. While Sin Cara is automatically one of the division’s biggest names due to the fact that he’s been around since 2011 (kinda), I think Nese and Gulak need a win after weeks of losses on the roster.
PICK: Nese, Gulak, and Daivari
2 – Bayley vs. Dana Brooke
While Dana Brooke has been fine as a crony for Charlotte, her first legit feud with Bayley has been filled with botches and boring chants. I don’t think we see much more of this feud outside of Survivor Series team squabbling, so I say Bayley goes over strong here.
3- Big Cass & Enzo vs. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson
Due to WWE’s insistence on drawing out The New Day’s title reign, E&C and The Club haven’t exactly looked strong as of late. Both teams are starting to look a little sad, but I think Cass & Enzo’s shining moment won’t be until the new year since they can lean on their promo skills for just a few more months. Gallows & Anderson, on the other hand, need a win-ski to be a title contender by the end of the year.
PICK: The Club
4 – WWE Cruiserweight Champion T.J. Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick
While I’d like to see somebody new emerge from the miasma of directionless cruiserweights to earn a title shot, I think the division is best served with a heel champ who can add a little fire to the faces that chase the belt. Kendrick is the most well-rounded character in the division, so I think Perkins loses due to his conscience and Kendrick faces the likes of Rich Swann and (hopefully soon) Jack Gallagher.
PICK: Brian Kendrick
5- WWE United States Champion Roman Reigns vs. Rusev (Hell in a Cell Match)
We’ve only got so many months of Roman Reigns as mid-card champ until WWE decides to slot The Big Dog back in main event spots in time for WrestleMania, but I don’t think Hell in a Cell is where Reigns is dethroned (TLC matches have way more opportunities for chicanery). I say Roman wins, and I’m also predicting that these two use the cell way better than the Universal Championship combatants.
PICK: Roman Reigns
6- WWE Raw Tag Team Champions The New Day vs. Cesaro & Sheamus
With all the mentions of Demolition’s world-record tag title reign, I hardly expect the WWE to take the tag team titles off of The New Day mere weeks before the event. That said, I don’t think we’re going to see the end of Cesaro and Sheamus either, so I predict a screwy ending that keeps TND as champs and builds to some intra-squad sniping when Raw’s tag teams unite at Survivor Series.
PICK: Cesaro & Sheamus (by disqualification)
7- WWE Universal Champion Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins (Hell in a Cell Match)
Even though I wish the WWE would have spent more time making it clear, I think that the Women’s Championship match goes on last, mostly due to the underwhelming build between Owens and Rollins that seems more focused on Chris Jericho. I say Owens defeats Rollins here with some help by Jericho, to set up Y2J competing for a major title for perhaps the last time.
PICK: Kevin Owens
8- WWE Raw Women’s Champion Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte (Hell in a Cell Match)
The first-ever Women’s Hell in a Cell match is already monumental enough, but I think WWE is going to realize that Banks vs. Charlotte is the hottest match on the card and give it the final slot it deserves. To that end, I think the crowd has to go home happy with a Sasha win. Though heck, I thought the debut champ at WrestleMania would have been Banks, too, and I was wrong there. However, this belt deserves some stability, so I say Banks holds onto the championship into the new year.
PICK: Sasha Banks in 18 minutes
Up next… Henry’s picks!