LaserTime’s WWE Hell in a Cell 2016 predictions: make yours too!

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BRETT‘S PREDICTIONS

1 – Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado and Sin Cara vs. Tony Nese, Drew Gulak and Ariya Daivari – Pre-show match
SIIIIIIGH these poor cruiserweights. The CWC is arguably (bordering on unarguably) the best thing WWE’s put out all year, so to see this roster of talented, dedicated performers stuffed into multi-man tag matches is a total reversal of fortune. This will be entertaining, I’m sure, but won’t matter at all. Gotta assume the good guys win this because flippy shit means happy faces.
PICK: Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado and Sin Cara

2 – Bayley vs. Dana Brooke
Another reversal of fortune, where Bayley enjoyed a solid year of great matches and fun-or-interesting storylines and Dana was at least a solid enforcer. Now they’re… in this… thing. I will be legit surprised if Dana can pull off a reasonable match and a convincing win to boot… I’m thinking Brooke wins but it’ll be amidst some kind of minorly botched finish. Then, Bayley can win a bigger one down the line?
PICK: Dana Brooke

3- Big Cass & Enzo vs. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson
Two teams I like so at the very least it’ll be fun to watch??? Sawft’s side gimmick is that they constantly lose matches that matter, and Club also employ that same gimmick, so this is like Juggernaut running into The Blob – can two perpetual losers cancel each other out?? I almost wish they double pinned each other so they could both win and lose. But uh I’ll just guess and look around the room for a letter to point me in the right direction…ah, I see an “A,” There’s no A in Club but there sure is in SAWFT.
PICK: Enzo & Cass

4 – WWE Cruiserweight Champion T.J. Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick
This belt means very little and while Perkins is great and him winning a lot means he really is a proper champ, it’s hard to feel invested in these victories. I’d like to see TJP put TBK out for good, but Kendrick’s entire story is the “last chance.” If he doesn’t win this, his third (fourth?) big chance, what the living f is he supposed to transition to? It tells me he’s gotta win because otherwise… uhhhh…. it’s kinda for nothing unless they legit retire him?
PICK: Kendrick

5- WWE United States Champion Roman Reigns vs. Rusev (Hell in a Cell Match)
Supremely boring, who cares! Let’s just say his name might as well be Roman Retains and be done with it.
PICK: Roman Reigns

6- WWE Raw Tag Team Champions The New Day vs. Cesaro & Sheamus
No reason to take the belt off these guys for Shame-zaro. While the New Day schtick is a tad old at this point, Big E still rules and Xavier/Kofi can still bring it when necessary. Let ’em win one more, march towards that record breaking moment and mayyyybe by then RAW will have built up a team worth taking the titles? I like Cesaro plenty and want him to succeed, and am even down for this tag team idea, but again why spoil a near-milestone run for a makeshift team?
PICK: The New Day

7- WWE Universal Champion Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins (Hell in a Cell Match)
Jericho’s absence suggests Jericho will indeed play a part in this finish. I think maybe Owens wins, but Jericho tries to take a cheap shot, or pulls a Batman-esque “won’t kill but didn’t save” and leaves Owens high and dry. Rollins & Owens are great in the ring so I have high hopes for this one, but do think it’s Owens’ chance to retain as a proper champ – no HHH involvement this time around.
PICK: Kevin Owens

8- WWE Raw Women’s Champion Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte (Hell in a Cell Match)
On one hand, I agree it’s a little patronizing to worry about these two having a main event cage match – they’re both professionals, super athletes and in better shape than anyone writing or reading this article, so if they wanna tear shit up in a cage, they know what to do. HOWEVER, I do kinda worry about how much they idolize performers of the past and desperately want their own “moment” carved into history, so part of me fears they’ll conspire to a monstrous spot that no one’s signed off on and therefore they haven’t practiced all that much and oops there goes Charlotte off the top of the cage or Sasha flying face first through the wall. It’s their desire to one-up each other and their own memories of Attitude Era / Ruthless Aggression stuff that gets in my worry holes… but I trust ’em to put on a great show and honestly hope Sasha comes out on top. Not sure where Charlotte goes after that (maybe towards Nia?) but it does seem like a great way to really sell Sasha as a boss.
PICK: Sasha Banks

There you have it! Reply with your match picks and your choice of wrestler theme for next week’s Patreon-exclusive Cheap Popcast below!

7 thoughts on “LaserTime’s WWE Hell in a Cell 2016 predictions: make yours too!

  1. 1 – Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado and Sin Cara vs. Tony Nese, Drew Gulak and Ariya Daivari – Alexander, Dorado, Sin Cara
    2 – Bayley vs. Dana Brooke – Dana Brooke with Emma interference
    3- Big Cass & Enzo vs. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson – Club
    4 – WWE Cruiserweight Champion T.J. Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick – Perkins
    5- WWE United States Champion Roman Reigns vs. Rusev (Hell in a Cell Match) – Reigns
    6- WWE Raw Tag Team Champions The New Day vs. Cesaro & Sheamus – New Day
    7- WWE Universal Champion Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins (Hell in a Cell Match) – Kevin Owens with Jericho or HHH inteference
    8- WWE Raw Women’s Champion Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte (Hell in a Cell Match)

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