Laser Time’s WWE Elimination Chamber 2017 Predictions – Make Yours Too!

Can you eliminate the incorrect and pick the right results for WWE Elimination Chamber 2017? If so, you can make your mark on the next Cheap Popcast! Read Dave and Brett’s picks, and then make yours!

We’ve got our first Smackdown Live-exclusive show of 2017, and it’s likely to set some major WrestleMania matches in place for April’s big show. WWE’s multi-man structure *usually* makes for great matches, so hopefully we’re in for a fun main event, on top of some other exciting matchups. We rank through most of the card in WWE 2K17 earlier this week. Watch as Dave struggles in the Elimination Chamber in a mess of a match below!

Anywho, here’s how the contest goes. Dave and Brett will make picks in this here article, and then open up the replies to you awesome listeners. You will then pick a winner (or if you’re feeling frisky, a rare draw/no contest) for each match (don’t worry about getting the finish right, I’m just looking for winners, if any), and then, just in case there’s a tie for correct predictions, pick a running time for the final match listed (the presumed main event) as a tiebreaker.

If you have the most correct predictions, you can make your mark on the next Cheap Popcast episode (exclusive to Patreon) by choosing a theme to close a segment. Pick the wrestler theme and include a YouTube URL to a wrestler’s theme alongside your predictions (including the running time of the Elimination Chamber match) and I’ll give you a shout-out on the next Patreon popcast. Got it? Good. Now, onto each LaserTimer’s predictions!


1 – Kickoff Match – Mojo Rawley vs. Curt Hawkins (Kickoff Match)
Mojo Rawley has a few things going for him going into this match. One of his biggest football buddies just won the Super Bowl, and he’s still in the “do it for Zack” period of his singles push. Curt Hawkins is Smackdown’s Jinder Mahal, so he’ll get trucked in his rare singles PPV outing.
PICK: Mojo

2 -Nikki Bella vs. Natalya
There’s absolutely NO WAY this feud continues into WrestleMania, so I think we see the final chapter of this rivalry conclude at EC. Nikki Bella seems to be nearing retirement (and might do a mixed tag with her bae at ‘Mania) and Natalya can take a loss, so I say Nikki wins and moves onto her proper WrestleMania feud.
PICK: Nikki Bella

3- Dolph Ziggler vs. Kalisto & Apollo Crews (Handicap Match)
Dolph Ziggler’s post-heel turn matches have gone two ways; he wins quickly or loses quickly. While my dream scenario for this match is Crews to become Ziggler’s new Big E-style muscle, I think we see Ziggler use some sort of miscommunication between the faces in order to sneak a cheap tights-grabbing rollup en route to god knows what at WrestleMania.
PICK: Dolph Ziggler

4 – Becky Lynch vs. Mickie James
While it’s sad to see Becky Lynch drop down the card after her title reign, I think Mickie James is destined to be more than just the women’s division’s Curt Hawkins. In order to give MJ some cred going into WrestleMania season she needs a few victories under her belt, so I say Mickie gets a tricky victory before ultimately getting comeuppance in a WrestleMania rubber match with Becky.
PICK: Mickie James

5- Randy Orton vs. Luke Harper
I’m pleased as punch that Luke Harper is getting something of a singles push and a high-profile PPV match to boot, but let’s not pretend this match will go any way besides making the WrestleMania title challenger look strong. Perhaps we’ll see some Bray-assisted shenanigans en route to Orton’s win, but Harper will likely get pushed to the side as Randy and Bray battle at ‘Mania.
PICK: Randy Orton

6- WWE Smackdown Tag Team Champions American Alpha vs. Heath Slater and Rhyno vs. Breezango vs. The Usos vs. The Ascension vs. The Vaudevillains (Tag Team Turmoil Match)
This is the bed that WWE made with its Smackdown tag team division, and now they have to sleep in it. After a half-year of slapped-together tag teams (Slater/Rhyno and Bray/Orton) holding the belts, none of the standard teams look all that dominant going into WrestleMania. I say American Alpha wins here, starts to showcase their dominance, and we see The Revival get called up (or the World’s Greatest Tag Team returning) in March to put on a barn burner at ‘Mania (with a Kurt Angle possibly in Alpha’s corner).
PICK: American Alpha

7- WWE Smackdown Women’s Champion Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi
Here’s where I’m picking the big upset of the night. It looks like this is going to be a heel-focused card (as you’d expect since WrestleMania is where heels get their comeuppance), so we need a face win to pick up the spirits of the fans and I don’t think main-roster AA has that level of cred with fans to get that sort of reaction. Plus, Naomi has been pushing WrestleMania hard in recent interviews (and her entrance would be awesome there), so I say we get Naomi win in surprising fashion, which sets up a screwy rematch that evolves into a multi-woman match at ‘Mania.
PICK: Naomi

8- WWE World Champion John Cena vs. AJ Styles vs. Dean Ambrose vs. The Miz vs. Baron Corbin vs. Bray Wyatt (Elimination Chamber Match)
Even though he *just* won Smackdown’s biggest belt at the Royal Rumble, I think John Cena can survive a short title reign (also, the record-BREAKING reign is going to be Cena’s big one, not the tying one) and Cena doesn’t really command a main-event spot at WrestleMania anymore. Bray Wyatt has slowly rehabilitated himself on Smackdown over the last few months, and I think we see him start a reign of terror that continues past WrestleMania. He absolutely won’t be on during the last match at WrestleMania, though.
PICK: Bray Wyatt

Up next… Brett’s picks!

12 thoughts on “Laser Time’s WWE Elimination Chamber 2017 Predictions – Make Yours Too!

  1. Mojo
    Mickie James
    American Alpha

    Theme: Billie Kay’s Australian Indie theme: 4Ever by The Veronicas-

  2. Mojo
    American Alpha

    Fuck me up with Piledriver as a closing song. Or Rob Conway’s theme

  3. Mojo Jojo
    Dolph Piggler
    LeBron James
    American Alpher
    Naomi wins BUTT(see what I did there?) via DQ
    Bae Wyatt in 37
    “Ass Mayne” Bimmy Gunn

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