Buckle the hell friggin’ up because the wack af GI Joe movie is tonight’s feature presentation. I can’t promise Transformers-level greatness but if you’ve never seen this before, you WILL be entertained.
Originally intended for theaters, this recruitment tool / toy commercial got busted down to home video in April of 1987 after both the My Little Pony and Transformers movies tanked. This led not only to GI Joe’s demotion, but also the retconning of a planned character death – hero Duke is CLEARLY killed onscreen and later we hear an overdubbed “Duke’s out of his coma!” to prove he survived, whereas Optimus Prime died a true, honorable death. Until he came back in the trash heap TV show but hey, the movies are what matters.
GI Joe isn’t as lavish or aggressively ’80s as Transformers, but it IS supremely weird and well worth at least one viewing. The opening – where Cobra tries to blow up the Statue of Liberty – is essentially a music video and without a doubt the single best GI Joe ANYTHING that exists on this earth. Once those five minutes are up… well, it’s a bizarre adventure to say the least.
WWE’s Sgt Slaughter beats up Miami Vice’s Don Johnson. Friggin’ Burgess Meredith is a man made out of snakes. The main hero is stabbed in the heart. Cobra Commander turns into a literal snake man while a rhyming Joe carries him up a mountain. All this happens in like 80 minutes. Be there as we celebrate GIJTM’s 30th anniversary at 6PM PST!
Unfortunately this isn’t available to stream anywhere. Grab a copy – somehow, some way – before tonight!